Jewish Musings, Thursday, September 15, 2016

[peachymom1]

What’s on your mind – how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:

Angelika
Beryl
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

[peachymom1]

Good morning! Is there a particular age that you felt you had reached a level of wisdom? Do you think people in general listen to and learn from your examples and life advice (if you give it)? Do you observe and learn from the behavior and advice of others? In what circumstances, if any? Most of us expect our children to learn from us; at what age (if any) do we expect them to stop looking to us as models and make their own way? Once you were grown up, when did you stop looking to your own parents as examples, or do you still?

I went to a parenting seminar sponsored by the shul once, and one thing the speaker said was that when children get to be pre-teens and teenagers, the time comes when your role as parent shifts from teacher to consultant. Even though we’re legally and morally responsible for them for several more years yet, they make a definite separation from us and leave us with the scary realization that there are a lot more things out of our control and out of our hands that we think (and wish).

Yeah, I remember thinking, maybe other kids do that, but I’m going to be such a good parent that my kids will not turn into teenage terrors. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

I laugh now because I’m on the other side, and I survived. And I have learned now that grownup children may still be our children, but they’re full, independent adults, and that’s how they want to be treated, whether we know better than them or now. So I adopted a phrase from a book I read when DD was driving me nuts a few years ago: I keep my door open and my mouth shut. And I adopted a habit from my bff of 36 years: I ask questions instead of making statements, e.g., “What’s the wedding venue’s contingency plan if it rains at your outdoor wedding?” “How did you decide to handle that conflict with your coworker?”

I don’t know if this has led to wisdom or if it will, but it certainly has brought a great deal of peace into my relationships with my children. I’m still learning from them.

[lee058]

Good morning everybody. Hope you are all well today.

Re today's topic: What first popped into my head was the phrase "smarter than the average bear"!! DS and I say that a lot to each other when we are proving a point. Just thought I'd share that. We learn a LOT from each other these days.

Good news on the job front: The HR person wants to meet with him again tomorrow (!!). I really think DS is going to get this job.

I'll write more later. Today I'm going shopping and doing some errands but will be back.

Have a peaceful day, Lee

[gazelle18]

I think 60 was my wisdom age. I don't know if anyone listens to me, but I don't care so much anymore, and that is a big part of wisdom.

I still find that I learn a lot from others. That is also part of wisdom, I think!

[hollygail]

[Background: I have at times described myself as a recovering control freak.] I don’t remember exactly when this happened, but at some point, I realized that if I DIDN’T say whatever it was that I had in mind to contribute to a conversation, it wouldn’t be the end of the world, that I didn’t HAVE to contribute to every single opening in a conversation or discussion. I think that’s when “wisdom” kicked in. Was it in my 20s? I doubt it. 30s? maybe. 40s? could be. Surely earlier than 50… at least I hope so…

In general, now, when I say something, people believe me, because there’s a wide perception that I know what I’m talking about. Is it because I don’t talk about things I don’t know about? Perhaps. But I really do sound authoritative when I’m speaking about things that I really do know about. People ask me about Jewish stuff all the time. I’d say maybe ninety-something percent of the time I really do know at least one answer that is correct, often two or three, so I feel confident responding. And I’m just as confident saying I don’t know, possibly because I’m secure about my Judaism, or about myself, or … maybe it’s because I do know a lot about Jewish stuff, so admitting there’s something I don’t know is no biggie.

Yes, I observe and learn from the behavior of others. Also from myself. When I was on the Speakers’ Bureau of the Tucson Rape Crisis Center, I had the opportunity to watch a video one time when I was giving a presentation; I realized that I said “um” a lot of times, even though I knew the subject matter VERY well. I learned not to say “uh” or “um” or any of those “fill in the space while you’re thinking of the right way to say what you’re gonna say” sounds. Made a big difference in my life. I almost never say it now, and I teach in many venues to many different groups, so I really think that lesson paid off in spades.

My DM didn’t interfere much in my life (or my sister’s) once we were adults, and I learned from her not to interfere in my son’s life once he became an older teenager. I respected him from a very early age, listening carefully to him from the time he first learned how to speak. (Okay, there were times he got diarrhea of the mouth as a pre-teen, and I stopped paying close attention, but that was a phase that thankfully passed.)

My mother modeled lots of things for me, and I learned many of them from her. She spoke up for what she believed in, and I was never shy about doing the same. Although she did it during a period of history when women were supposed to be quiet and demure, I had no patience for such b.s. There was one guy I dated briefly who stopped seeing me because I wasn’t enough of a “lady” for him. I realized I had misjudged him and he wasn’t someone who could be in my life; I was glad to find out after only a few dates!

[louise]

Have been in a major funk - partly HHD pressure but also I have my ex's first surgery wrapped up with Rosh Hashanah because they happened at around the same time. That was the first year I read from the torah with HHD trope and I remember practicing on the long subway rides to and from the hospital. Will try to come back later re the topic. Sorry.

[lee058]

Hi again everybody. Part of wisdom is, I think, knowing when to talk and when not to. I don't do this perfectly but I am better at it than I used to be. Progress not perfection!

I'm so excited about DS's interview tomorrow! It has taken a lot of self-control on my part to not make a huge fuss about it to him. I did take him for a haircut so he looks nice and neat. I think he'll do fine.

I'll keep you posted. Have a peaceful evening, Lee