Jewish Musings, Wednesday, 10/5

[lee058]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:

Angelika
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

[lee058]

Good morning everybody. Hope you are all well. As I posted yesterday, I saw my endocrinologist and she gave me new medicines for my thyroid and also edema in my legs. I have high hopes that these new meds will help with these problems!

Which leads to today's topic: Turning negative things into positive ones. The ones we can do something about are usually thoughts. As for actions and reactions, those can take more work, but they are often possible too. First, though, I'd like to look at thoughts.

Right now, I am thinking about my endocrinologist's diagnosis and actions. On the negative side, I have health problems. On the positive side, I am not solely defined by my health problems. Also, there are medications that can help me, as well as good medical care available to me. These are blessings. Thank goodness for health insurance and for living somewhere where what I need is available!!!

(TMI) I will probably spend a lot of time in the bathroom in the near future, although hopefully my body will get used to the meds and not have it be a hassle!!! However, it is something I have to deal with and accept for now. I am postponing all my plans for this morning and tomorrow morning because of this; hopefully in the evenings, I will be able to drive DS to and from work without difficulty. Now this could be felt as a big hassle, but I am working on accepting it as just part of the process of getting rid of the edema. I am going to try and look on the positive side about this: Every trip to the bathroom is a little more liquid off my legs.

I think we all have known people who breathe gloom and doom. My reaction these days is to try and stay away from them. I can't change them, although I have put in a LOT of time over the years of my life trying to do that. They are masters of the, "Yes, but....." response to any suggestion that might be made to improve their situation. Since they won't listen, why should I spin my wheels and waste my energy trying to get them to change? Yet, I can fall into that habit if I am not careful. It's partly a boundary issue, and partly stubbornness on my part about not giving up, and partly affection for the other person. However, I need to look after my own need of not using up all my positive energy in dealing with their negativity. As women, we have been taught that it is our responsibility to fix other people's problems, but I think it's time to give some of that up!

As for my own thoughts, the most useful thing I can say to myself when I catch myself brooding over something negative is, "It's over." If something from the past is bothering me, it's over. If someone's interaction with me made me feel bad, it's over. If I did something I'm not happy about, it's over. That way I can move on.

It also can be useful to deal with a situation by taking hints from my mom. She says to look at situations as "learning experiences." She also reminds me when I gripe that things could be worse, so I should make the best of the situation. She is very smart!

Any reactions to all this? I hope that you have more suggestions about making our thoughts healthier and with that, making our lives easier. I'll be back later. Have a peaceful day, Lee

[peachymom1]

Good morning everyone, I hope you all had a wonderful holiday celebration!

This is a good time to bring up thoughts, Lee, because I have a lot of them swirling around in my head right now, to the point of overload. The company I work for was acquired this year, and we just got the information on our new health / dental / vision insurance for next year. I have a lot of bad thoughts about this, and I need to somehow get through them without denying how I feel and without shoving my thoughts under the rug. I have tried hard to look for the positive in this acquisition, but the health insurance thing just brings me down. It's expensive, I can't cover DH, and I have no other real choices. Arrgh!

I'm also thinking about HH services. I was totally disappointed by the music; they changed some of the melodies that are especially dear to me. I know I have to get over that. And today I'm back to work and I REALLY feel on overload now. My team didn't have my backup person do ANYTHING for them while I was out for the holiday, and now it's all piled up for me. Grr!

And I just got an email from one of my sisters; our stepmother is planning a surprise party for our dad's 80th birthday in December, and she wants us all to come. This sister is going and is asking that the rest of us go too. I see no point. Dad doesn't recognize us anymore, it's inconvenient, annoying and expensive to fly during Christmastime, and it'll be cold in Tennessee, which I would have to buy some new clothes for. Why? So my stepmother can show off to everyone at the assisted living place that Dad's daughters are so devoted to him? He was never a good father and never cared much about me. Now I'm supposed to spend money I can't really spare, take time off I'd rather spend doing something else, and buy heavy winter clothes I'm never going to wear again? Am I just being a whiny brat? Sigh.

Oy vey, I need a cup of tea. I'll be back later. Thank you for listening!

[momof2]

Boker Tov!
I did it! Officially back at lifetime weight!
Always hard to change negative to positive.
Have a good one!
Tamara

[gazelle18]

Here's my vote, Peachy: don't be bullied into going to the birthday party.

Here's my negative into positive story: a few years ago, I noticed some white splotches on my neck. They didn't go away, so I finally went to see a dermatologist. It's vitiligo, which is an auto immune condition in which your meltonin goes away. Several people in my extended family have this. I am vain, so of course I was horrified! Fortunately the disease has not progressed, and I am hopeful I will get no more spots.

Anyway, in order to hide the splotches, I started buying some costume jewelry necklaces. I started to have fun with this, and have learned to express myself in a whole new way. My family and friends know about my new enthusiasm for necklaces, so I get some lovely gifts, as well as some cheap, fun ones as gifts.

By the way, except for wearing sunscreen, there is no known cure for vitiligo. Fortunately, it's harmless as long as I keep the sunscreen on.

[savtele]

Boker Tov All! Peachy - I think it is perfectly acceptable to decline, send a nice card & consider it good. Those that can go, will. "Surprise" for whom, if he no longer recognizes any of you?

As for those who breathe doom & gloom - I turn & RUN the other way! I cannot afford their negativity -and anything positive I may have to say seems to get swallowed up in their black hole. So off into my merry sunshine I go!

Sometimes, especially as we head into the "dark" time of year, I can get pretty down. So I am learning that I need to take care of myself. Spend time in daylight, sunlight, by a window, meeting up with people. And then, sometimes you just have to move over to where the sun is. My sister had a vacation home in Bend, OR - high desert - that was always a good get-away. You could count on sunshine most of the time! Now that she has sold it, we just have be bite the bullet occasionally. Even if it's just a day-trip. Sunlight: it's a wonderful thing! At the same time, I am becoming very aware that food, alcohol & not enough sleep or exercise make a big difference in my mood. A good workout, a good night's sleep & good food - and my mood is much less apt to head downhill!

The pool got cleaned last week - it feels good to be back! No bathtub ring on the edge anymore. Pool deck got painted. Nice.

Have a good day ladies! I'll bbl to read.

[louise]

I remember once when I was young (and knew everything) I had a boss that I was much smarter than. I realized I would have to be careful in how I corrected him. I decided that it was a growth opportunity and I needed to learn some patience and humility. Worked it out. I also try to remember that my mom doesn't process things as quickly as she used to - patience again - another growth oppty for me.

[lee058]

Hi again everybody. I enjoyed reading your comments, as usual. I think that we need to focus on our responsibility to ourselves. Being positive to and about ourselves helps us live longer and better! I think we are worth it and that we deserve it. This may take practice but we can do it! Have a peaceful night, Lee

[peachymom1]

Thank you, everyone, for your support. I'm not going to the birthday party, and I'm not going to let my sisters guilt me into it. And it's been interesting to read all your stories.

I did my dance and stretching DVDs when I got home from work, and it made me feel much better too. The dishwasher is going now, the kitchen is cleaned up, DH is watching TV, and I'm going to go study my Torah readings. You guys are just the best. Thanks again!