Jewish Musings, Friday/Shabbat 10/14

[louise]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:

Angelika
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

[louise]

I‘m feeling pretty firm in my new mantra “Less weight, less pain.” It’s very effective. Also, what seems to be a miracle discovery about sugar inflaming the arthritis in my hips, knees, and ankles. Mind blowing. There is still the piece of me that feels I will never get rid of this stomach – how often do we hear how hard it is as we get older? I think of how poignantly Frieda shared about this same sense of failure not long ago. But then she shared her Unetaneh Tokef. There have been several stories lately about our real life experiences and the consequences of what we eat. I’m feeling hopeful and tentative at the same time but I see no choice but to focus on my mantra and eat accordingly. If I/we stick to it things have got to change.

My rabbi gave a sermon on YK about the difference between guilt and shame. He cited the work of Professor Brene Brown who besides being a well know author gave a TED talk that remains one of the 5 most popular TED talks ever with 26 million views. www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en. Shame is such a difficult part of life to confront that Brown has spoken about how even though she had studied intensively about shame in other people for 6 years, she was still not able to truly confront her OWN sense of shame at her own failures and her own vulnerability. In fact, shortly after recording her remarkably successful TED talk but before it was put on line, she felt bad about various mistakes she had made during that presentation and fantasized about breaking in to the TED offices to prevent the video from being uploaded. And this ended up influencing the choice of the title for one of her books - which is I thought it was just me! - but it isn’t.

My rabbi went on to say that linguists and psychologists and theologians have pointed out that even though many people use the words guilt and shame interchangeably, there is a world of difference between them. “Guilt” is the feeling we get when we know that something we have done does not measure up to what we feel we are supposed to do. And guilt can be uncomfortable. But ultimately guilt is a productive feeling that often encourages us to do the right thing, to make reversals and changes in our behavior. [the stuff YK is made of]

Or in Brene Brown’s formulation: “Guilt leads you to say ‘I did something bad.’ Shame leads you to say ‘I AM something bad.’ ” She defines shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.”

My take away is there are positive ways to feel bad about ourselves and destructive ways to feel bad about ourselves. Just something to think about when you’re feeling low about something you did or didn’t do.

[momof2]

Boker Tov,
I do believe how we think and feel about ourselves helps or fails our weight loss journey. It's All About Attitude!
For Kol Nidre services I tried on my size 10 pant suit, I bought before DD, and it fit! I may not be at my lowest. Knowing that I was able to fit into something before children, huge.
I also convinced my mom to join WW. She signed up yesterday and will go to her first meeting today! So proud of her.
Working half day today.
Wishing everyone a peaceful Shabbat.
Tamara

[lee058]

Good morning everybody. Hope you are all well today. Yesterday, I took DS on an all-day drive and we had a great time. Today my arms and shoulders are tired, but it was worth it.

Re today's topic: Good points about the difference between guilt and shame. I will think about this and try and write some more later.

Have a peaceful day, Lee

[savtele]

Boker Tov All! We've come through the HHD!

I firmly believe that too much input from media will ever only reinforce our sense of "shame." I will never look like a model, be graceful as a dancer, be a raving beauty. And every time I pass a store window, full length mirror, or the kids on the streetcorner, I'm reminded of that! Time to treat ourselves with the dignity and respect we deserve!

Obviously - we still have power - not even a blip during the night! (no flashing LEDs this AM, no clocks to reset) Life's good. The storm is still blowing full bore, but I called the pool - they have power too & are open. I'm off to swim.

Shabbat Shalom! I'll bbl to read, comment more.

[peachymom1]

Good morning everyone! I hope everyone is safe and feeling good today.

The dentist took xrays, then sent me to an endodontist, who found an infection underneath an old root canal. So he cleared it all out, fixed me up, gave me pain meds to take later at home, and a prescription for antibiotics. He didn't even have to take off the crown; he drilled right through it, then repaired the hole, and even my tongue doesn't know the difference. Today I feel MUCH better. Luckily I was nowhere near my annual maximum for dental costs, so about 2/3 of the cost was covered. I'm a little achy this morning, but all I need is some ibuprofen for that, so I'm good. Whew!

On Monday and Tuesday I'll be reading Torah, but I've done it many times, so I'm completely comfortable with it. On Monday I'm also reading half of the haftarah, and after shul, DH and I are going to the home of one of the other haftarah readers to have kiddush in their sukkah. I'm looking forward to it. There will be about 30 people there, and it's always a wonderful, relaxing time.

I'm also reading Torah on Shmini Atzeret on 10/24, but I need to study and practice that one some more, so I'll work on it this weekend.

Everyone have a wonderful weekend, and thank you for a great week, Louise! Shabbat shalom!

[happysavta]

And a good morning to one and all. Haven't even taken my meds yet, but I'm feeling cheery.

All of this week, I have been getting out of bed by 8 am to take the dog out and then go for a walk with her around the neighborhood. When my DH is home, he takes her out in the morning, but he is in China again. Coco has a lot of bounce, but she stops frequently to sniff around so I'm able to catch my breath. She'd be a great WalMart greeter; she likes to stop and say hello to everyone.

My granddaughters will come to visit the last week in December, so I'm working on beefing up Coco's wardrobe. Ross has a nice selection. Coco has a lovely outfit for the gym that says, "I don't sweat, I sparkle", a spaghetti strap black evening dress that says, "Little black dress", some school clothes with "Girls Rule", a lovely pink checkered raincoat with a hood, and of course, a white bridal veil in case they want to plan her wedding. It's a bit difficult to shop for Coco. Sometimes she needs a small, sometimes she needs a medium. She's between sizes. (Hmm, that sounds familiar, actually.) Think the girls will put aside their Barbies and focus on dressing up Coco?

I'm off to Laughter Yoga class shortly. If you've never tried it, I recommend you do. It's so fun! Then I'm hoping to find a worthwhile movie in the theater to see.

Yesterday, I was very productive. Made a To-Do List and got quite a few of them done. Being productive always feels so good. For me, my biggest sense of shame is on those long, dark days when I feel stuck in my own inertia, unable to get into motion and do something.

[gazelle18]

I really like this explanation of the difference between guilt and shame. I am feeling overeating "guilt" right now, and your post , Louise, has helped me remember that my eating has been awful, but I myself am not awful.

Thanks for a great week, Louise!

Peachy, I am glad you are better, and Angelika, I a, so glad you didn't lose power.

Have a good shabbos, all

[louise]

Shabbat shalom everyone!

[happysavta]

Check with "Rabbi" Google to find Laughter Yoga classes in your area and to read up on how it works. Basically it's a series of simulated laughter exercises done in a group setting with a trained leader to stimulate the release of endorphins, reduce stress and promote a sense of well being. It's not yoga, no yoga poses, nor is it comedic entertainment, no jokes being told. There are some breathing exercises, and some leaders add stretching or meditation too. You can find lots of examples on YouTube.com.

Ha,ha. Ho,ho. Hee, hee.

Shabbat Shalom, everyone.