Jewish Musings, Sunday, February 4, 2024

[peachymom1]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:

Frieda (hopefully)?
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

And for those of you that stop by to read this thread without posting — you are welcome to, but you are also welcome to chime in. Don’t be shy!

[peachymom1]

Boker tov and shavua tov! Lynne very kindly swapped weeks with me, since next week we’ll be traveling for DS33’s wedding.

Do you ever have someone throw cold water on something you’re happy about? I had a conversation with a friend that completely dampened my feelings about my performance review, which I had on Friday. Now I feel angry and defensive about my job, and I feel hurt that my friend doesn’t understand why I’m upset. Ugh!

My boss gave me a glowing review, with specific examples of what he especially appreciated about my accomplishments last year. He had no criticism at all, nothing that needs improvement, and he added that I’m wonderful to work with and the whole team thinks so too. He’s recommending me for the maximum raise available for our team, which is 3.5%. We had layoffs a few months ago and have updated a number of company policies to cut down on costs, so I wasn’t sure we were getting raises at all, and I certainly wasn’t expecting to get the highest percentage allowed. I thanked my boss and told him I really enjoy taking care of everyone, and that I think he and the team are wonderful too. Friday was a good day!

This friend and I had dinner last night, and she asked how my review had gone. When I told her all about it, all she could do was scoff at the raise. “That’s barely enough to keep up with inflation. Don’t they want to pay you enough to make you want to stay?” I told her I was happy about the raise and that I love my job and don’t want to go anywhere else anyway. She said they were taking advantage of me and that I could do better somewhere else, blah-blah-blah. I said my boss’s words of praise were more important to me than the raise, and she rolled her eyes and said, “Oh come on.”

I hadn’t seen this friend in a while, and I was so glad to see her and catch up, but now I’m asking myself if I need such a “friend.” Maybe I’m overreacting, but I’m proud of the job I do, and the positive review made me feel like a million dollars. I think feelings are more important than money, and I think a good friend is someone who cares about your feelings.

What do you think? How do you handle wet blankets?

[gazelle18]

I don’t know if this woman is a “friend” or not, but she obviously has no social graces, or emotional intelligence. I’d spend as little time with her as possible.

I tend to be a bit direct with people like this. I probably would have said something like, “Wow, I couldn’t disagree more. Let’s talk about something else.” Then I’d do my best to change the subject or talk to someone else.

My mother was once very dismissive of my involvement in Avodah. I realized she was simply jealous; time I spent on this endeavor meant I had less time to spend with her. But her comments were mean. I once said something to her like ,”gee mom, when you say these things, my feelings get hurt. I wish you’d change how you speak about something so important to me.” It made zero difference (that was my mom) but it made ME feel better.

[lee058]

Good morning everybody. Hope you are all well and SAFE! Please pray for Israel.

Re today's topic: I think that people who are negative about things that I feel good about are PITA.

Have a peaceful day, Lee

[louise]

I want to slap her face! First of all I flat out disagree with her. Then there's the fact that she wasn't seeing it from your point of view but from hers, and she values $$$. Maybe she never got job satisfcation, or praise, or had a good relationship with her boss and co-workers. I thrive on all those things. I probably would have been very hurt and would reevaluate this "friend's" place in my life. If I really had it together maybe I would have been able to explain about having very different values. Keep the glow, dump the friend.