Jewish Musings, Tuesday, February 6, 2024

[peachymom1]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:

Frieda (hopefully)?
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

And for those of you that stop by to read this thread without posting — you are welcome to, but you are also welcome to chime in. Don’t be shy!

[peachymom1]

Good morning! I went to a funeral yesterday with DH and DS33. The deceased was the husband of a couple we know from the shul, the couple who has invited us over every year on the first day of Sukkot, after morning services. I think I’ve told you all the story of how we met this couple, but I’ll tell you again just in case. :+)

The wife took a class at the shul many years ago to learn to chant haftarah, and since she didn’t feel she could chant an entire haftarah by herself, she asked the ritual director to assign her a haftarah reading with a few others to help. She asked three other members of her haftarah class to do this with her, and so the haftarah for the first day of Sukkot was divided up into four sections. This lady chants the blessings before the haftarah, then her section, then the others chant their sections, one after the other. Then they all do the blessings after the haftarah together. That first time was just lovely, and everyone was so charmed by this that every year since then, this lady has continued the tradition.

How did I get involved in this? One year, the haftarah reader of the second section went to Israel for Sukkot, so the ritual director asked me if I would learn that section and fill in. So I did, and the wife who started all this called me up, introduced herself, and invited me and DH to come to her house after shul to have lunch in her sukkah, along with the other readers and whomever else they invited (they have a large sukkah – we’re usually about 15 people). We’ve gone there every year ever since. A few years later, the reader for the third section of the haftarah wasn’t able to do her reading, so I learned that section too. Somehow, neither of these readers ever took back their portions, so I’ve chanted these two sections every year for a long time now. And we’ve been going to this lady’s house every year afterwards, met her husband and some of their friends, all of whom are about a generation older than we are, and we’ve had a wonderful time getting to know everyone over the years.

The husband passed away a few days ago, and the funeral was yesterday. It’s been pouring rain for a few days, and we’re still on flash flood warning, but we were determined to attend if at all possible. DS33 came too, and we gave a ride to another congregant we know who lives just down the street from us (she’s the one who brought me a bunch of books and movies to borrow while I was recovering from my hysterectomy last year). The husband was one of those people who make you feel welcome in their home and comfortable to be around. He had a wonderfully quirky sense of humor and was generous and hospitable to everyone. He was also a well-known surgeon in addition to being an all-around mensch, and I wasn’t surprised that the chapel at the mortuary was crammed full, in spite of the flash flood warnings (and copious mud at the gravesite after the service).

Two things particularly stand out in my mind. First, when the daughter (mid-50s) spoke about her dad, she mentioned that she always knew he was proud of her, and that he knew she was proud of him. She also said there was never anything left unsaid between them, no issues unresolved or unaddressed, that they always talked out their differences, each feeling listened to by the other. This moved me to tears – how wonderful to have such an honest and open relationship between father and child.

The other thing is that every person who spoke about this man mentioned how much they appreciated his sense of humor. It’s the first thing everyone thinks of when they hear his name, including me. What an amazing legacy, to be able to heal people’s bodies but also make them laugh. I feel really lucky to have known him.

I just wanted to share this with you. It was a moving experience of community and love. What are you all feeling today?

[gazelle18]

What a lovely story and a fitting tribute. As I have gotten older, my desires for “how I want to be remembered” have changed. Had I been asked in my 20’s, I might have wanted to be remembered as a serious student and upcoming lawyer. In my 40s, I would have wanted to be remembered as a hard charging litigator. Now, I’m hoping to be remembered for how loving I was to my family, how open I was to my grandkids, how generous with my time I was, and how well I could tell an off color joke.

[louise]

What a lovely story. I laughed that no one took their parts back!
You remind of a synagogue friend I had for many years. He was somewhat older than I am and always sat right behind me at shul. He was very knowledgable and led many services. He was a mensch, a good singer, an actor, and a whole lot more. He was also very funny and a big tease. When we had new velvets made for the bima the table cover was in his memory. He was buried in one of the plots my synagogue has for members in a cemetery nearby. I have reserved the plot right next to him - I figure we sat together for so many years we could continue that tradition for years to come.

I'm happy to say my zoom presentation is (pretty much) done. The rabbi put all the photos in a dropbox file and will do the screen share part for me. So far about 30 people have signed up.

[lee058]

Good morning everybody. Hope you are all well and SAFE! Please pray for Israel.

Re today's topic: peachymom1, Thanks for the story. How do I hope to be remembered? Hmm. I'll have to think about that.

Have a peaceful day, Lee

[hollygail]

I'd like to be remembered for my dedication to my students. And my sense of humor. (I can't tell my favorite off-color joke online...)