Jewish Musings, Tuesday, December 6, 2016

[peachymom1]

What’s on your mind – how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:

Angelika
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

[peachymom1]

What’s on my mind right now is the dumbest thing – COOKIES. I’m so angry and upset with myself that I just want to cry. Here’s what happened.

My weigh-in is on Fridays, so my week starts then too. I always plan for some indulgence at Shabbat dinner, but on Saturday we did some more indulging for my twin sons’ birthday. Still, I did have my weeklies and I did exercise on Friday and Sunday, so I was doing all right with my points, though it was a little close for comfort. And I did get up Monday morning and go do cardio at the gym. So far, so good, right?

DH and I carpool to work most days, and today we stopped at the store after work to get bananas. I had been feeling strangely moody all afternoon and couldn’t figure out why, but as soon as we stepped foot in the grocery store, the grip seized me that I had to have some Vienna fingers. It was that awful feeling that you know you shouldn’t do something, but you’ll feel just as bad if you don’t. As soon as I made the decision to buy the cookies, I felt better. This made no sense, but by this time I was beyond reason anyway.

I started eating the cookies out of the package while DH was putting gas in the car on the way home. Then, even though we had planned to make whatever was on today’s menu for dinner, I insisted that I had to have pizza. So we went to Round Table and totally indulged, after I had already had a good number of those dang cookies. I felt completely stuffed and uncomfortable, but I ate a few more cookies a little later. Why, why, why and why?

I soothed myself somewhat by rocking in my rocking chair – this has always been a great comfort to me. Finally, my head started to clear and I asked myself what on earth had caused me to go so crazy about the cookies? What could have triggered it? And then the answer came.

I have three challenges coming up for me next week, food-wise. One of them is a baby shower we’re having after work for a co-worker next Tuesday. The expectant mom wants Italian food, so we’re having her favorite pizza, pasta and salad from a nearby restaurant. I haven’t finalized the menu yet because I’ve been trying to find a way to be able to eat reasonably, but I’ve also been distracted by the other two challenges. There will also be cake, so I have to factor that in as well. So I’m stressed about this. Add to that the fact that I’ve never organized a baby shower in my life, and I’m terrible at event planning, especially for coworkers. I feel like I’m in a weak place from the beginning.

The second thing is our department’s holiday lunch, which is Thursday of next week. And guess what we’re having – more pizza, pasta and salad at a different restaurant. This was just put together in the last few days, and I’ve just finalized the menu today. I should talk to Mommy-to-be and see if she wants to have something different after all for the shower, so that’s more stress. Anyway, the lunch will be at BJ’s, so we’ll have those pizookies (freshly baked cookies with ice cream on top) as well as unlimited food, which for me and pizza is a disaster. I’ve been worrying about how I’m going to eat reasonably at that event too.

I hadn’t worked out solutions for these yet, and I’ve been getting nervous, but today the third thing came up. It was announced that we’re having a cookie exchange next Wednesday, and almost everyone is very excited about it. So next Wednesday there will be many, many dozens of all kinds of cookies in my office, in an area right by my cubicle, and even though I have a personal rule not to eat anything at work that I didn’t buy or bring myself, the idea of such a deluge of cookies is completely overwhelming.

I didn’t realize how frustrated I was about these things until I got to the store tonight. Suddenly, buying my own cookies and eating the kind I especially like seemed like I was taking control, which makes no sense at all.

Does anyone have any insight or words of wisdom for me? I still have to face the challenges of next week somehow, and right now I’m so disgusted with myself that I just feel like giving up. Help!

[gazelle18]

I can totally relate. Sometimes when I am stressed, and there is food to be had, the ONLY solution seems to be to stuff it in. And once I start, I can't stop. The only way to get through the feedling frenzy is to wait it out , until I am literally sick of food. Would love to see others' insight on this!

[lee058]

Good morning everybody. Hope you are all well today. Re cookies: I will not be much help here because I tend to indulge with cookies too. I have found, however, that if I ask myself exactly what cookies I want and then get them, I am better able to eat a portion instead of the entire container. This holds true for many types of food for me. I also mentally mark for myself what is "my share" and what is DS's and H's, and that helps me not dig into theirs. When I do not get exactly what I want, I do not feel satisfied, no matter how many or how much I eat. I wish I could remember this but somehow I conveniently forget it, and eat too much. Ugh.

I'll be back later. Have a peaceful day, Lee

[savtele]

Boker Tov All! (((((Peachy!))))) All I can really say here is that, having had your own pizza & cookies, with any luck you will be heartily "fed up" with, at least the pizza by the time the parties hit!

I also tend to worry in advance & then need to find a way to "do SOMETHING!" It's often the wrong thing.

My H2O aerobics class has done a cookie exchange in December for years - this year someone finally decided that it was unproductive to work so hard in the pool & then go home with a ton of cookies - so we will be having an ornament exchange instead. Makes perfect sense to me! I found a lovely Margaret Thurman porcelain heart at the antique mall.

Meanwhile - the ground is covered in snow. There are big puffy flakes falling down - John is getting ready to go outside & shovel the snow off the deck (it's very heavy, the deck is high up) I'm building a nice big fire & getting ready to pour another cup of coffee. There will be chili in the crockpot - perfect for a winter-wonderland day!

Have a good day ladies!

[hollygail]

I'm no help, either, on the cookie front. DH works with this one woman who bakes Christmas cookies and gives them (in baskets or cookie tins) to everyone she works with every year. This year, it's December 16 (I think that's the date DH told me). Anyway, she's a very good baker, and I've always enjoyed Christmas cookies. I'm not into all the frosting stuff (so I never liked the frosting on cinnamon buns, for example, or on any pastries, let alone on cake), so I'm safe with all the sugar cookies decorated with frosting on top. HOWEVER, she makes at least three different kinds of chocolate goodies (I just remove the frosting from the brownie-cookie kind) plus numerous other varieties of cookies... DH dutifully bring home the gift without having opened it first and lets me open and divide. I remove all the cookies I'm not interested in first. Then I have to figure out how to divide the rest; let's just say "equitable" goes out the window... If there are three of one kind of chocolate cookie, I get 2 and DH gets 1 (this is true even if there are three of each kind of chocolate cookie! I'll get 6 and he'll get 3). Oy! And I already told you ladies about the incredible chocolate mousse over Thanksgiving weekend; I'm already up a few pounds from before Thanksgiving... And a friend is taking me out for lunch today (I'm teaching her how to chant Torah trop)...

Lee seems to have a handle on how to deal with this. Lee, wanna come to San Diego to help me?

[gazelle18]

Look, we all have had our ups and downs. You're human, and there will be times when your eating is less than optimal. Perhaps accept that this is a tough season, and sometimes we just miss the mark.

[louise]

Peachy I so related to your entire post and my anxiety went up with yours as you added on each layer! Remember Esau so hungry he thought would die? I understood exactly what you meant at every stage of your description.

As for the upcoming events: Cookies are a BIG trigger for me too. I think it's important to have a plan. At pizza parties in the office (if I'm plugged in) when everyone else takes pizza I just put salad on my plate. After I have had some salad I take a slice of pizza, by which time other people are taking seconds. Worth a try anyway. I don't think I could escape the cookie exchange unscathed but here's a possible plan -decide on a number (3 cookies, 6 cookies, whatever), survey the cookies, put the number you selected on a plate. Take the plate back to your desk and ignore them (or let desire build, as the case may be) for as long as you can, then let yourself eat one. Hopefully the whole process will take long enough that you will only have eaten 3 (and enjoyed them) in the time you might have eaten a dozen without remembering them. Some variation like that sound doable? The other choice, of course, is to decide the cookies have nothing to do with you and walk away (but they may still call you...)

[peachymom1]

Thank you, everyone, for your support. It's a big help.

I wish I could say that today I was back on track, but nope. I stayed up too late talking with DH last night, then I didn't want to get up and go to the gym this morning. So I didn't. The bananas we bought last night were still too green, so I didn't have a banana with breakfast, and the ones at the kiosk in my building were too ripe. I overate at lunch, then came home and had a reasonable dinner, but I haven't had a single fruit or vegetable serving today. I feel it.

But I did decide that I was too overloaded to finish out the week, because I was afraid I'd just say to heck with it and eat like crappe for the rest of the week until my weigh-in on Friday. So I changed my weigh-in day to Wednesday. That's right, tomorrow. My weight will undoubtedly be up, but I can put it all behind me and start over. This means the baby shower next Tuesday night will be at the end of my week, so I'm hoping I can plan for it and be able to manage some indulgence then. It also means that the cookie exchange will be on the first day of my week, so I can use my weeklies for a few cookies. And for the company lunch on Thursday, I'm going to plan that out ahead of time too. I did finalize the menu with the restaurant, and I think I can do reasonably well with my eating.

I also know that I need to quit worrying about our health insurance and just resolve to go with the flow and face things as they come. As of January 1, DH, DS25 and I will all have different insurance plans, and we will just have to manage everything the best we can. The thing scaring me is expense. We worked so hard and so long to get out of debt, and I'm just afraid we're going to end up with medical/dental expenses we can't afford, wipe out our savings and go straight back into debt. The only thing I can do about it is keep talking to DH, so we can help each other.

I'm going to go to bed early tonight and hopefully get a good night's sleep, so I can get up and go to the gym in the morning. I know I'll feel better if I do. I'm off now to practice my Torah readings for this Shabbat, but I'll be back in a little while to open for tomorrow. Not so dramatic, I hope! I hope everyone had a good day and stayed warm and dry.