Jewish Musings, Wednesday December 28th

[lee058]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:

Angelika
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

[lee058]

Good morning everybody. Hope you are all well today. Just a few more days/nights left of Chanukah, and also of 2016! What a year this has been! So much has happened, both good and not-so-good. What's on my mind today, and what I'd like us to discuss is dealing with loss, difficult people and/or negative emotions during this holiday period. Just like for the HHD, at the end of the secular year, I look back at what has happened and how I feel about it. Chanukah being the festival of lights makes it a time to focus on the many good things in our lives, as we have been discussing. However, it is also natural for many people to be under stress this time of year. Not everyone is easy to get along with, but we often feel compelled to spend time with them (in person or on the phone). Sometimes, it is nationwide events that are on our minds (there certainly have been plenty of those this year!). And sometimes it may be celebrities.

Right now, I am feeling affected by Carrie Fisher's death. She was only 60, just two years older than me, and she was part of my life through her movies, TV specials, books, etc., for many years. I feel like I have lost a friend, and this makes me sad.

As for difficult people, I talked with my cousin on the phone yesterday because she sent me a present. She spent most of the conversation ranting about my mom (her aunt), and how mom needs to do a great many things re her important papers, seeing a lawyer, doing something about her car, getting her aide to do more, hiring a cleaning service..... the list went on and on. These are important issues and they do need to be discussed, but my cousin doesn't understand that she can't force my mom to change or to do things faster. Mom is old and has a lot of health problems; it is hard for her to do practically everything. It is a miracle that she can do all the things that she does, in my opinion. Thank God she is still mentally sharp. I don't think I could stand it if my mom weren't on top of things.

Basically, I did the best I could to talk about the issues my cousin brought up without getting angry or upset. I said a lot of "uh-huhs" as necessary, and made my opinions known as well as I could.

As for negative emotions, I feel upset about the many things that are messed up in the world, and sometimes I have a hard time dealing with my son. For both situations, however, I have kind of the same attitude. I can't make everything happen the way I want, even when I am convinced that my way would be best. Other people, especially my son, have the right and the responsibility to make their own decisions. On the nationwide scale, there is very little that I can do --- but I CAN do SOME things, and I have the right and the responsibility to do them, so I do what I can. It may not be much, but I do try to do SOME things.

Anyway, life goes on, and I am blessed with much that is good. I feel grateful about that.

I'll try to get back later; this is going to be a busy day. Have a peaceful day, Lee

[peachymom1]

Good morning everyone! Lee, hugs and hand pats to you.

I've been doing the best I can to deal with the family members who are difficult. My mom is difficult. I took her out for lunch last week, and she complained the whole time, which is normal for her. I usually arm myself with some subjects to change the conversation to, and I did, but sometimes I just let her whine while I eat my lunch. She's had a difficult life, much of it brought on herself, but a good bit of it was her upbringing and how her parents treated her. So I try to have compassion while still setting limits on how much I can take and how often I see her. I make sure she has everything she needs, and she's good about following her doctor's instructions.

This year brought a lot of changes at work, and as of 1/1/17 the changeover to the new company will be complete. This basically means I have to learn how to do most aspects of my job a new way. For a while I was stressed about it, because it means the first several weeks will be crazy, and I'll have to help everyone else adjust too. But then I decided there is nothing that's going to come up that I can't handle, figure out, and learn. The other executive assistants on my floor and I have agreed to band together and help each other learn all the new procedures, so we can then help the people we support. So I feel I have a team to rely on, and we can do it.

It's also been an adjustment to have one of my sons move in with his girlfriend, and for him and his brother to turn 26. As of 1/1, they'll be off my insurance, and since the other DS26 doesn't have a job, he'll have Medi-Cal (called Medicaid in other states). This has been very hard for me, because although I helped him apply online, he has to manage everything himself. He has to make sure he has a doctor and dentist, has to make sure his current meds are covered, has to find a psychiatrist for meds checks, etc. It's scary to me, not because I don't think he can do it, but because mistakes are expensive when it comes to medical care, and it would be disastrous for him not to be able to get the meds he needs. So I'm trying not to worry about that and am leaning on DH to help me.

My strategy for 2017 is to look for the best in things and people, as I always do. Pollyanna just doesn't die; sometimes she takes a nap, but she's always there! In a few minutes I'm leaving for a day spa -- the kids gave me a gift certificate for a massage and pedicure last Mother's Day, and I'm finally going to use it. I should be in a really good mood when I get back!

Everyone have a wonderful day, and stay warm!

[savtele]

Boker Tov All! I too was saddened by the death of Carrie Fisher. So young - and she fought her demons and won.

I am realizing (it always sneaks up on me) that I am heading into my winter SAD mode. There is not much daylight (and often what there is, is grey), crowds, sugar, booze, and not enough sleep don't help. Some wheat (and too much gluten free baked goods) have crept back into my diet. Feeling "blah" seems to be a universal mid-winter malady - it only gets worse when the holiday season is over, the lights come down, the excitement ends, and we all have to slog through 2 more months of short grey days! I have a "new" pain - my R hip is apparently my newest arthritic casualty. What I really want to do is curl up in bed, find a position that doesn't hurt, and stay there!

So yesterday I made some changes. No More Wheat (John can eat as much as he likes), and other than my 1/2 & 1/2 for my coffee, no more dairy. Sugars and alcohol (at least for now) are out. If I want something sweet, there are apples in abundance, and oranges, this time of year. Also sweet potatoes & winter squash. I'll be limiting fats to olive & coconut oil. The plan is to continue with the pool, and do some sort of regular exercise on days when I don't have pool class. And, no matter what, 7-8 hours of sleep/night. I always tell myself I can do 6, but I feel better with 7-8. Why not go for it - it costs me nothing. I'm retired - where do I need to be??

And I will make an appt. with my PCP - time for my regular checkup anyway, and new pain management may be in order.

Meanwhile, I need to get ready to go to the pool. My morning pain meds are kicking in - I feel better already!

Have a good day ladies!

[hollygail]

Oh, my... Lee, I'm sorry your cousin gives you tsuris. I admire your ability not to lash out at her. I was getting angry just reading your account of her "list" about your mother; inside, I was practically screaming that it's none of her business, but you, dear lady, stayed calm. I would love to learn how to behave more sensibly when people give me tsuris...

And Peachy, helping DS with his personal responsibilities takes its toll. On the one hand, we want to support our kids (regardless of their age) and on the other, we recognize that they're not children any longer... I do not envy your position. I'm glad you have DH to rely on for your own support.

Angelika, you seem to have a level head on your shoulders. You know what works for you, what doesn't, how the seasons have an effect on you... All I know is that I have to eat every few hours or else my blood sugar level drops too low and I become more and more of a monster (okay, that's clearly an exaggeration), so I do pay close attention to my body's hunger signals. I rarely go out of the house for more than an hour without having some healthy snacks with me (usually apples or some other fruit, often some protein and/or complex carbs).

As for difficulties during 2016, I've been to way too many funerals. Last June was the funeral of a former bar mitzvah student of mine who OD'd on heroin (at age 22); late summer a 30-something woman died of complications from surgery (she was the youth group leader, so all of my former bnai mitzvah students at that synagogue were at the funeral and I found out afterwards that my presence really meant a great deal to them; who knew); autumn brought the sudden death of a woman born a few days before my own DS, she a former adult conversion student of mine (where I turned out to be the main support of her non-Jewish family, the "substitute rabbi" in some cases); and then a couple of weeks ago, the death of an old friend whose daughter had been a student of mine and at whose wife's funeral I'd been shortly after the daughter's bat mitzvah some 20ish years ago... I said after his funeral that no one else in my life is allowed to die — I can't deal with any more funerals now. [and then my DBIL, who's more like a brother to me, since I've known him since I was 8 or 9 when he and my sister used to walk home from school together and he hung out at our house rather than go home to his own mother who apparently got on his nerves a lot, at least when he was a teenager, had a pacemaker put in VERY unexpectedly, no history of any cardiac anything, yet the temporary pacemaker, then the permanent one, then a third surgery within two days to deal with some alterations they needed to make... Talk about a difficult year]

I'm looking forward to an easier 2017.

[lee058]

What a wonderful, strong bunch of women we are!!!

[louise]

Quite a list we have! 2016 was difficult for me and I feel I aged a lot this year. This year I had a torn meniscus and now, recently, a tear in a tendon at the top of my bicep. Both have brought pain and I also have a good bit of arthritis. So I'm walking like an old lady - especially going downstairs or when I first get up from a seat. These things have made my weight more of a burden. My company is in trouble, my boss isn't well, and there were several deaths including DXH. As may be obvious, I'm a little in the dumps, but no worries - I'm basically okay.

I bought several yards of a trim with a little bit of stretch to it - it's a rich brown with a single line of gold fleurs de lis down the center - probably meant for suspenders or something. Anyway, got it at a fancy shmancy trimming store in the city today after PT. I also got some gold buckles. My plan is to make a cinch belt/seatbelt for each of the torah stands. Should be easy and hopefully will work and look classy. I got a Groupon for the trimming store which saved me $13.

Just started a Sherlock Holmes/Mary Russell mystery - my ninth in the series. Lee turned me on to these (thanks, Lee). Anyone else have a good book to recommend?

[peachymom1]

You ladies amaze me -- I get such strength from you!

I had the most amazing massage EVER this morning! Then there was an hour before my pedicure, which I could have used to go into the whirlpool, sauna, shower, whatever...I chose to go into the Quiet Room and read my book until they came to escort me for the pedicure. I've never had a steam pedicure before - definitely a different experience! But I wasn't done out the door to come home until almost 1 p.m., and my stomach was growling. I had to stop at the store for bananas and a loaf of bread, but I TOTALLY RESISTED THE URGE TO GRAB SOMETHING QUICK TO NOSH AT THE STORE! Yep, I waited until I got home, mixed up some tuna and had a wonderful, fresh sandwich. I feel so proud of myself!

Then I took DS26 to the laundromat to wash his comforter, since it's too big for the machines in our building. I did crosswords while I waited for him, and now I'm going to do my dance DVD and some stretching. This has been a good day!

[louise]

Oh no - Debbie Reynolds just died!