Jewish Musings, Wed., 1/11

[gazelle18]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:

Angelika
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

And for those of you that stop by to read this thread without posting - you are welcome to do that but you are also welcome to chime in!

[gazelle18]

Hi Everyone,

First off, Holly and Frieda, I certainly hope at your " tsoris " over the past few days gets better. All of us on the thread are thinking of you both and hoping for better times! For some amazing reason, we have stuck together for quite awhile now, and have seen each other thru some bad stuff. Although it seems silly to say that we are here for you, when we are actually not physically "here for you", we are very much with you in spirit.

Here is another of Martha Beck's counter-resolutions, which might actually be quite relevant to the situation at hand:

"BE SELF - INVOLVED. Many people vow to be more attentive to relationships - less irritable with their kids, kinder to coworkers. But relationships are fluid, and we can't dictate how we'll feel as they evolve. This year, I'm going to be more attentive to ME. If your parents ever forced you to kiss scary Aunt Mabel with the braided chin hairs, you know that trying to force love actually destroys it. This year, take a moment every so often to check in with yourself about how you're really feeling , and let your actions match your truth. Share with people who feel welcoming. Distance yourself from the ones you don't trust. Peacefully explain your opinion to those who anger you. You may ruffle some feathers but in the long term, your life will be more genuinely loving."

Thoughts?

[lee058]

Good morning everybody. Hope you are all well today. I'm fine. Re today's quote: I was annoyed by the comment about "scary Aunt Mabel." There was no need for the author to be obnoxious. Other than that, the quote seemed pretty self-explanatory. In general, of course getting to know yourself better and to express yourself more clearly to others are good ideas. However, when dealing with this year's political issues, it can be very difficult to "peacefully explain your opinion to those who anger you" or even to always "distance yourself from the ones you don't trust." As we have discussed, this election has people more polarized than has been seen for a long time, with many on the Trump side being openly hostile towards anyone who believes in a kinder, more inclusive society. It's hard to distance yourself from people when they may be family members or people you see at work or socially.

It's important to be true to yourself, and that includes politically, in my opinion.

Have a peaceful day, Lee

[peachymom1]

Good morning! It's still raining here, and I'm grateful. I think it's good to be mindful of yourself. But I have learned over the years to choose carefully when and with whom to explain my opinions. Some people just don't want to hear it, no matter how calm, peaceful or reasonable you are.

Thinking about Holly and Frieda this morning and hoping things are improving for you.

[savtele]

Boker Tov All!
Natalie (my great granddaughter) is easily overwhelmed by crowds, gatherings, Happy Birthday songs, etc. We are learning to accommodate her - and she knows that any time she feels overwhelmed, it's ok to go into her room (or some other quiet room) and look at books, color, or whatever keeps her peaceful. Sometimes she is able to participate, sometimes not - and it is up to us to do what works for her. No, we don't force her to kiss anyone. And "Happy Birthday" is sung to her with her mom's hands over her ears.

As an adult, I don't always feel that I have the option of going into a quiet room, looking at picture books & coloring. (what a wonderful world it would be!) I have learned, however, that at times my silence is better than an argument, other times my truth simply must be told. I have an online "friend" who is a Republican - I have commented often that we look a the same statistics/data & reach completely different conclusions. As long as we respect each other & each other's opinions, we can agree to disagree! I shake my head & wonder that she can't see what is so patently obvious, she no doubt does the same with me.

I think much of the issue is safety. Do I feel safe with my opinions - with myself, with the people around me, in the settings I find myself? Throughout this political cycle, I have had to admonish people on my page, that I would not tolerate ugliness - I was trying to foster conversation, not looking for the best put-down. For some of my friends it was difficult to put their feelings into words that didn't include invective. I was wondering "why." To call someone "small-minded" or worse just shut everything down.

Meanwhile, John & I are going through a patch right now that is opening up old feelings. Feelings that have nothing to do with him, except in the fact that he has managed to tap into something long hidden in me, from my 1st marriage. One thing we are learning: communication is the final frontier! And so we are boldly going where we have never gone before! (stay tuned - no one knows how this will pan out yet!)

We got our shopping done before the storm hit - they predicted 1-4" - we got 12"! With a slick sheet of ice under it all. It's still coming down. Cars are stranded by the side of the road everywhere you go, plows cannot get through because of them (they are being towed so the plows can get through). From my living room it all looks so peaceful and beautiful!

Have a good day ladies!

[happysavta]

Re Scary Aunt Mabel:

As a child, my father found a distant cousin in Chicago. He was the the only blood relative in the United States, and he was older than my parents, so he became "Uncle" Lou. He had actually known my grandmother Frieda in Poland, and one time, he told me I looked just like her. Since there were no photographs of my grandparents or uncles, that was a very big deal to me, to know that I looked like someone.

He was a very nice man; I loved him and his wife, "Tante" Mary and her sisters, "Tante" Pearl and "Tante" Sarah who weren't married and weren't actually cousins. They gave me my first pair of earrings at 5 years old, square blue glass dangling earrings. But, honestly, I hated having to give Uncle Lou a hug hello or a hug goodbye because he smoked cigars; horrid, smelly, awful cigars!

[happysavta]

It's interesting about "Tsoris". They are only tsoris if you believe they are and if you let your thoughts become an avalanche of dread. My "Chicken Little" mentality makes me think all bumps in the road are "tsoris" and that we are about to get hit by a bomb.

But my husband, on the other hand, is such an optimist that he looks at the bump in the road as an opportunity to explore a new path. He said he is glad that his business relationship with this individual who now wants to sue him, is over, even though it means that a project he worked on for 10 years is dead. He feels free. Well, at least the crazy, defamatory daily emails that made my stomach churn have ended, so I can enjoy my morning tea in peace.

[louise]

I remember the relatives that always had to pinch my cheek real hard - nothing you could do really but take it. Today's topic hit me just in time to respond to a synagogue board member's stab at a mission statement - it was bland and icy cold so I slipped something to that effect in with all the kudos others were sending. No sense saying I liked it - I also feel I may have freed others to voice their opinions. The backfire would be that I am asked to "fix" it! No thank you.

[happysavta]

Angelika, there is a classic joke about statistics that goes like this: "Statistics are like people; torture them enough and they'll tell you anything you want to hear."

[happysavta]

DS#4 is happy at his new part time job as a courtesy clerk in a grocery store. He is driving back and forth to work by himself and dealing with parking on the street (which neither of us knows how to do). He is being aware of his appearance (shaving, brushing teeth) and grooming for work. He is organizing his laundry days so he has clean shirts and pants for work. He is taking the initiative to call and get his schedule for the next week. Things are going well.