Jewish Musings, Wednesday, January 18, 2017

[peachymom1]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:

Angelika
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

And for those of you that stop by to read this thread without posting - you are welcome to do that but you are also welcome to chime in!

[peachymom1]

Good morning all! I still have work things on my mind today.

Yesterday I talked about adjusting my attitude about my job. One thing that jolted me back to reality is that one of the other executive assistants on my floor was laid off. They did give her until the end of the month, then she gets her severance package on her last day. But this came as a shock to me; we thought all the administrative layoffs had been done already, and that we were safe. This lady’s job is no less important than my own; if the new company feels hers can be eliminated, they could decide the same about mine.

So I panicked, since it’s not so easy to get a new job when you’re in your fifties. Then I thought, wait, I could try some other options too. We’re not as desperate financially as we were the last time I looked for a job, and I could explore some things I might not have been able to consider before. This caused me to be grateful that DH and I have worked as hard as we have, and that if nothing else, at least we’re out of debt. Suddenly, things didn’t seem so scary anymore.

Do you ever find that something frightening is not as bad when you start arming yourself with possible solutions? If I end up keeping my job, I’ll be happy, but now I’m not so afraid of losing it.

And can you apply the same question to your WLJ or your health in general? For example, if you get some bad news about a health condition, does it help you gain hope and perspective when you start exploring options? Or do you need to digest the news for a while before you take any action? Or what else might you do?

[lee058]

Good morning everybody. Hope you are all well today. Re today's topic: Yes, I agree that when I am dealing with a frightening situation I feel stronger when I can think of what I can do to make it better. The trick is to stop running around in circles! Definitely, the more I tell myself that I CAN do something about a situation, the more capable I become of actually doing something about it. Outside confirmation of this helps a lot too, but a person needs to have faith in him/herself.

I'll be back later. Have a peaceful day, Lee

[savtele]

Boker Tov All!
Holly - I hope all is well, with the move to the hotel today! And I applaud your DH for "making magic happen" for you at HHD over the years!

Peachy - good question! I find that time and thought really are my friends in any frightening situation. Most situations are not as scary as 1st imagined, once my mind gets to work on them. And even if they were more frightening than I had 1st thought, by the light of day, with a walk or swim under my belt, my mind can usually start to work on the problem to bring me solutions! I just have to quiet the "voice in my head" long enough to hear the voice of reason. There is usually more than one good answer!

The warm weather came overnight. Here the snow is all gone, the river is very high, the temp inside the house, with the window open, only went down to 65 overnight - I don't even have the furnace turned on yet! Portland is another matter altogether: the wind in the Columbia River Gorge kept the temps down, I-84 (highway through the gorge) is closed from end to end, rain falling onto the snow landed as ice, and this will take several days to clear!

I'm off to the pool - so happy it's not icy anymore! Then to the store for a few hours.
Have a good day ladies!

[gazelle18]

As a former divorce lawyer, I can tell you, this is my area of expertise. People would come to me at the absolute worst and scariest times of their lives. I followed a formula. I led the client through a guided and thorough recitation of the facts. Then I asked the client what his or her concerns (fears, etc.) were, and what was most important to them? For some it was fear of being alone, for others loss of children, for others money concerns, for others, a broken heart, etc., etc. Then it was my turn to talk. I would lay out all of the alternatives, and basically educate the client on his or her pathways to getting past the crisis. Nearly all clients felt better after the session, and went on to deal the best way they could with their situations.

So, (1) define the problem; (2) identify the fear; (3) obtain as much knowledge as you can.

Peachy has done steps 1 and 2, and has begun on step 3. Further work on step 3 could be updating a resume, researching other job opportunities, and networking with a view towards alternative employment. Step 3 might also include talking with your lovely boss to get her Impression of the layoffs. Even if you never need to use the info you gain, it may (should) make you feel more empowered. I could keep going, but you get the idea.

Can you tell I did this for a living?

Why does this sound so simple? Because I am being objective about Peachy's situation. Why is it hard to do this by yourself with your own issues, like weight loss? Because it's very hard to be objective in that case. (Sigh!)

[louise]

Peachy - Yasher koach! You are handling the situation wonderfully!

I don't know if this is the same but for any number of reasons I haven't been to the dentist in a couple of years. (dentist sold his practice, didn't like the one who bought it, no confidence in the next one I tried, then just froze). I finally made an appointment with someone new recommended by a friend (in fact, her cousin). I'm nervous about it but I'm already gaining control by making the appointment.

I agree that it is easier to be objective when it's someone else's problem - that's art of what we do for each other.

[peachymom1]

Thanks, Louise, what a nice thing to say.😀

Lynne, that was a particularly helpful post, not just for me but for a good friend who's facing a divorce. She's been seesawing about it, and just this afternoon she called me. I think the straw that broke the camel's back finally came today. It's easy for me to think I know what she should do, but I'm not in her shoes, and the best I can do is give her love and support. Sigh.

[peachymom1]

My friend does have an attorney, but I sure wish she could have you, Lynne!

[peachymom1]

Louise, good for you for going ahead with the plan to see the dentist. Better to just do it and have it behind you. Lots of people put off going to the dentist; you're definitely not alone there. Good luck!