Jewish Musings, Friday/Shabbat, January 20-21, 2017

[peachymom1]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:

Angelika
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

And for those of you that stop by to read this thread without posting - you are welcome to do that but you are also welcome to chime in!

[peachymom1]

Good morning! I’m still thinking about the younger generation. DD28 and her fiancée are now in full swing with their wedding plans. One thing I’ve noticed is their tremendous emphasis on doing things for others. They’re giving gifts to their wedding party, gifts to the parents, favors to the guests…they’re deciding on gifts for others before working out a lot of the other things on their plate. This makes me proud. At the Shabbat table last week, they were talking about appropriate tips for the people doing their hair and makeup, and they asked if they were supposed to tip the photographer. They want to be sure everyone is fully compensated and appreciated for their parts in their special day. How refreshing. I hope you don’t mind such a blatant mom-brag; I hear and see so much about Bridezillas and the selfishness of the “me generation,” and it’s nice to know it ain’t necessarily so.

I was particularly pleased to hear DD28’s fiancée say that of course she’s asking her stepmother to walk her down the aisle with her dad. DF’s mother is deceased, and the stepmother has been in her life for many years. I know this means a lot to the stepmother, and she will be very happy to walk with her. What a thoughtful, kind-hearted partner my DD has chosen!

I’m pretty out of touch with wedding customs these days – is it typical nowadays to give gifts to your wedding party, parents and guests? When I got married, I’d heard of this, it was common, but not considered required, to give the bridesmaids a little something, like a bracelet or a picture frame or some small item. We had a very simple wedding, and all I gave my bridesmaids was the pretty lace head coverings they wore, and their flowers. I ordered the same lace head coverings for the mothers and grandmothers, just in a different color. But that was all. The men only got the special kippot we ordered to go with their suits, and their boutonnieres. We didn’t give gifts to the parents, and we didn’t have favors for the guests, just lunch, champagne and cake. Nobody expected anything else.

I’d love to hear about current wedding customs, and any not-so-current ones that you’d like to share. Or how about some great stories? I haven’t been to that many weddings in my life, so I always like to hear about them.

Thank you for indulging me this week, thank you for sharing, and I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! Shabbat shalom!

[hollygail]

We didn't have attendants, so no gifts for them. We had four people to hold the chuppah under which we got married (my son, DH's daughter, the woman whose idea it was to introduce DH and me, and the man who was there the night we met) and we order flowers for them (corsages for the women, boutonnieres for the men, including for DH's son who handed out the program we printed); all four of our parents were already gone. (My grandson and granddaughter carried a little pillow on which was tied the wedding rings; I bought her dress and shoes, and I don't remember but it's likely I bought his clothes too and at the time, they were the only two, ages 8 and 10.)

However, I was a bridesmaid a couple of years earlier; that bride and groom underwrote about $50 for each of the bridesmaids' dresses, which I thought was rather generous. I have no idea what they did for their four parents, or for the groomsmen either.

[lee058]

Good morning everybody. Hope you are all well. Re today's topic: H and I got married at the courthouse, so we didn't have a fancy marriage or reception.

I'll be watching the inauguration protests, as much as I can find on TV or the internet.

I'll check in later. Have a peaceful day, Lee

[brgmsn]

Good morning all. I helped both my daughters with their weddings and am currently helping my son and his fiance with theirs. My daughters did give gifts to their attendants, but not parents or anyone else. No gifts for the attendees. The party was their gift. I did their makeup, we paid to have our friend who does our hair be at the venue and if the girls wanted her to do their hair fine, if not, she didn't. Fiance is asking girls to pay for their own hair/makeup, and sent a price list out, which my daughters and I find very tacky. They will not be utilizing that. I would assume they will have gifts for the girls and guys in the party. They are all expected to buy their own dresses, but we have been very aware of cost, and the dresses for this wedding are very reasonable also. The guys are all going to be in grey suits, which they will have to purchase, I suppose. Or rent. Don't know how that works.
It's all too much. And boys are different than girls, because her parents are paying for everything. We'll do the rehearsal dinner. WIth both daughters, they got money from us and could do with it what they wanted--big wedding, they'd add to it, small, they'd be OK.

[savtele]

Boker Tov All! I didn't even make it here yesterday - I had an early AM mammogram, then spent the day with mom. She was really ready to get out of the house!!

Our wedding was in my sister's backyard. The day of the rehearsal was the hottest day on record - we all thought we would die. Then, the wedding day - 10 degrees cooler with a breeze. Perfect! There were barefoot children with water pistols, ladies in sundresses & big sun hats, and while both John & his best man wore a suit, most of the men were in shorts & flip flops. My friend J walked out of the house with a big glass of water, which she poured over her entire chair before sitting down - as she pointed out, she was no wetter than anyone else & her chair was cooler!

Peachy, I've enjoyed this week! I've got some ideas rumbling around in my head for next week.

Shabbat Shalom!

[gazelle18]

When they married, both of my kids gave their attendants small gifts. No need to go to great expense, and something funny or sentimental is frankly more appreciated than, say, sterling cuff links!

Thanks for a great week, Peachy, and good shabbos to all

[louise]

Sorry for being MIA yesterday. An old synagogue friend died and I went to his funeral this morning. It seemed a fitting end somehow after a funeral that on the drive back I heard todays the new guys being sworn in and got to my door just as the Star Spangled Banner was finishing. There are things that he says that I might otherwise applaud but from him make me cringe - like anything about putting an end to wealth in the hands of the few. Even when he said "We will be protected by the great men and women of our military and law enforcement and, most importantly, we will be protected by God." it creeped me out. Sorry - I know I shouldn't give voice to such things on the thread- apologies if I offended anyone. I ate a donut and a muffin on the way in to work. (I am what I am).

Something you may not want to hear about young people today that I see in an office environment - something like a lack of shared responsibility. When cartons of supplies come myself and a couple of other "older" women unpack them and put them away. They would rather just trip over the boxes. Or use up the last scotch tape.

Curmudgeon from NJ

[louise]

btw and for whatever it's worth I am participating in the women's march in NYC tomorrow. A few of us are heading out after synagogue.