Jewish Musings, Tuesday, February 14

[louise]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:

Angelika
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

And for those of you that stop by to read this thread without posting — you are welcome to do that but you are also welcome to chime in!

[louise]

Continuing with this selection of prayers before the open ark when we are about to take out the torah.

A Prayer for One's Personal Journey
Open my eyes, God. Help me to perceive what I have ignored,
to uncover what I have forsaken,
to find what I have been searching for.
Remind me that I don't have to journey far to discover
something new, for miracles surround me,
blessings and holiness abound,
and You are near.

This was written by Naomi Levy, whose books include Talking to God, To Begin Again, and Hope Will Find you. I haven't read any of her books but the titles kind of give an idea about where she is coming from. I like these prayers because they are so direct, so "me to You". I don't think I have conversations with God often enough. I am very anxious to reduce my weight and yet I undermined myself this past weekend pretty seriously. Sometimes I'm not sure I want it enough, or at least, in that moment anyway, I want the food more. I believe I can change this (right back on track today) but it never occurs to me to ask God to do it with me. Maybe there's something there for me.... Do you actively feel you are partnering with God?

[peachymom1]

This prayer speaks to me because so often, what I need most is staring me right in the face, if only I would stop getting distracted by other things and look for it.

Sometimes I ask God to help me -- those are the times I feel I can't do it on my own, whatever it is that's on my mind. But usually I ask God to give me the strength, resources and awareness to help myself. God has given me so many things that I feel like my end of the bargain is to take up whatever I can do on my own. And that includes helping others. I have found no greater way to stop wallowing in my own meshugas than to jerk my attention away from myself and help someone else who needs it.

Lee, I hope the PT goes well. I'm a big fan of it myself.

[peachymom1]

We used to get candy hearts for the kids on Valentine's Day when they were growing up, but we pretty much ignore it now. Our wedding anniversary is in a few weeks, so that gets more attention from us. :+)

[lee058]

Good morning everybody; hope you are all well. I like the prayer today! I ask God for help all the time, with all kinds of things. It helps me feel more, oh I don't know, protected and like I can do a little more than I thought I could.

As for Valentine's Day, I am wearing a hot pink tie-dye shirt today in honor of the day! I feel very appropriate.

The PT evaluation yesterday went well. I liked the woman who is going to be my main PT person; she was very calm, gentle, professional and thorough. She said that there were two tendons that were making the bones push on my rotator cuff, and that my shoulder was very inflamed and tense. She is going to work on that, and when my shoulder is feeling better, get started on strengthening it. I'll be going 3X a week through the end of March, and then seeing the orthopedic doctor in April. I am glad that I am taking steps to get my shoulder healed.

Have a peaceful day, Lee

[louise]

A little corny but I have a red sweatshirt with a sparkly black heart on the front - yup, think I'll wear it today and wait for the groans when I get to the office..

[savtele]

Boker Tov All!

I've mentioned before that don't understand Valentines Day at all - but I did bake mini chocolate cupcakes for John last night (who am I kidding, I ate 3 of them already!) The theater in Oregon City has reclining seats - we may go to a matinee this afternoon. He can kick back with his leg up & relax -and that's as much "valentining" as will go on in this household. I've put off the grand-kids "valentine tea & hot chocolate" till next weekend, so it's all good. (they will get to wear my hats & jewelry, and eat off the fine china, drink hot chocolate with pinkies in the air.) If it's sunny and warm, the deck is sheltered - we can do it outside, otherwise, in the dining room.

I can relate to today's prayer. Years ago, a friend's husband had a heart attack (he survived) - she said "I didn't even have time to pray, I just said 'Oh G-d' & started CPR!" To which I replied that that WAS a prayer. I'm pretty sure G-d can fill in the blanks for us, when the silent scream or a moan is all we can utter. I never want to miss the miracles around me! I want to "get it" that G-d is near.

I'm getting ready to head to the gym. I'm finding that I need that time more and more. One more cup of coffee for the road!

Have a good day ladies!

[happysavta]

Boker Tov one and all,

It's pouring rain today and we are under a hurricane watch. I didn't have to drive the girls to school, but I have to pick them up this afternoon. My son-in-law's parents are staying at a hotel near the M.D. Anderson Medical Center and the power is out at the hotel. They had to walk down 14 floors (better than walking up). I hope the power comes back soon so they can get some hot coffee.

Yesterday, I got a phone call from the apartment manager where DS#4 rents. She said she was concerned about him. His apartment was slightly damaged by a plumbing problem from the tenant above him, which caused her to have to enter with a repairman 3 separate times recently. She saw that his apartment was strewn with trash that he hadn't picked up, the garbage cans were overflowing, the dishes were piled high in the sink, his clothes were all over the floor, just a mess. She told me that he had answered the door wrapped in a blanket and it was obvious that he had been asleep at noon and had just been awakened up by the door bell; he wasn't dressed and active. She also saw his medications all over the floor and thought that was odd. She had previously seen his apartment always nice and neat and clean and she felt she had to give me a "mother to mother" call because she thought that he might be slipping into a depression or something. I thanked her profusely for the call, and told her I was out of town, but I would get hold of his ILS (Independent Living Skills) worker.

I know what's going on. This is just his normal laziness and procrastination and irresponsibility compounded by "when the cat is away, the mice will play" mode. His ILS worker, it turns out, has been on a medical leave for a week and hasn't been meeting with him, so his place is a wreck. I'm out of town and his dad is out of the country. DS#4 is indulging himself in freedom to do as he pleases, sleep in, eat out, stay up all night etc. Of course, he hasn't given a thought to the consequences. His apartment manager is a lovely woman, very motherly, but she is also responsible for the complex to her boss. DS#4 has ruined the good impression she had of him and revealed the disgusting slob he is.

We talked last night about being responsible, stepping up to the plate even if no one was there to watch him and prompt him. We talked about the consequences of losing the rental if he didn't take care of the unit. We talked about how his apartment manager really likes him, but she has her duties and her job responsibilities to meet. I contacted the ILS agency and his worker will meet with him this morning, but the damage is done.

I had told his dad and my daughter that DS#4 is totally independent now and doesn't need me. I guess that was wishful thinking. I was supposed to fly home today, but pushed my ticket back to Feb. 20th so I could help my daughter while her husband is out of town. Maybe I shouldn't have. Having a special needs member of the family, even though he is an adult, means that the parenting goes on and on and on and there's no end in sight.

In today's musing, we are encouraged to open our eyes to see and feel the presence of G-d. The Holocaust is one of my stumbling blocks, as I've written about on our musings in the past. The other is having a special needs child. Although I deny the existence of a deity, and decline to worship him, her or it, yet in some quiet corner of my being, I keep questioning why G-d didn't complete his creation of DS#4's brain. Was it an accident or on purpose?

I find it's better for me not to pray and not to be disappointed. If I simply avoid G-d, ignore him completely, and don't prod him with the question "Why?", I can function. Even if I knew why, would it make any difference? Probably not, so the key is just to keep moving along and clean the closet or do something useful.

[happysavta]

On another topic, (and I'll keep this brief): On Sunday, we took the girls to the neighborhood park and playground. We sat around chit-chatting with another young woman my daughter knows.

Turns out, this woman is a Christian Arab, originally born in the West Bank,(i.e. "I'm Palestinian"), and her husband is a Lebanese Christian. She tells me that her family spends summers in Lebanon and that it's beautiful and peaceful there. I'm surprised to hear this, as the Christians lost the wars to the Muslims there, and I mention Hezbollah and terrorism. She comments that while the U.S. has labelled Hezbollah a terrorist group, she doesn't consider them a terrorist organization. She sees them as a social services organization that helps local people. Oy, vey! I was shocked, but immediately realized that there was no point in having any conversation about it; her mind was firmly closed and she wasn't going to consider anything that didn't already agree with her viewpoint.

People will have different perspectives, different opinions, different conclusions, but how do you deny the numerous bombings, kidnappings, murders that the Hezbollah themselves have very proudly claimed credit for? Or do you justify them so you can then change the label to social services organizers? The Middle East is a crazy place, chaverot. If we want to count our blessings, we should always remember to put living the United States at the top of that list.

[savtele]

Frieda - my thoughts:
Why? Why does my baby-girl have spina bifida? Why did her spine not close correctly while she was forming? I am fairly certain that there is not 1 family on earth who doesn't ask "why??!" about some personal tragedy or disaster! The earth and the skies remain silent - and there is no forthcoming answer. Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people, and there is no rhyme or reason!

I am reminded of the story of a group of workers, coming "home" after a day of forced labor in Bergan-Belsen, I think. They rounded a corner, and saw a beautiful sunset. And they all stopped walking, and one man said the "Who makes the work of creation" blessing, to which all answered, Ahmein. And they continued on to their watery gruel and cold, dirty & cheerless barracks. No doubt within a few days, most of them were dead. But in that 1 moment of appreciation for the beauty of the sunset, they all lived!

For me, the question is not "why" but "why not?" Why not my family, my life, my home, me? What have I personally done that would make G-d, or any other power in the universe single me out for a life of ease and unmitigated happiness? Nothing. I am here - and we are all in the same boat, so to speak. G-d is not diminished if I choose not to acknowledge Him. He does not exist for my personal convenience or pleasure. And yet!

My personal appreciation of my life is enhanced by the acknowledgement of the Creator of the Universe! I look at the starry sky, Psalms 8 comes to mind: HaShem, our Master, how mighty is Your Name throughout the earth. (You) Who places Your majesty on the heavens. Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings, You have established strength, because of Your enemies, to silence the foe and avenger. When I behold Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars that You have set in place (I think) "What is frail man that You should remember him, and the son of mortal man that You should be mindful of him? Yet, You have made him but slightly less than the angels, and crowned him with soul and splendor.......

I do not know WHO will find a cure for spnia bifida, autism, cancer, heart disease, or even if such cures can be found!

Meanwhile - "I" will work to make Natalie's life (and other children's lives) better. That is my raison d'etre - the reason for my existence at this time (I can think of no other or better reason for my life!) I will work for the betterment of the society in which I find myself living. It is the only thing I can do! And I will look at the sunsets, and the trees, and the phenomena of nature all around me, and say with those men, condemned to death:
Blessed are You, oh Lord our G-d, King of the Universe, Who makes the work of creation!

[hollygail]

Louise, please take a look before Mi Chamocha (both evening and morning services). The traditional says "Moses and the Children of Israel sang this song to [Adonai / the Lord / or other such wording]"

The Reconstructionist prayer book (1994) has "Moses and Miriam and the Children of Israel..." (and of course, as we saw last week, after the 18 verses of the Song of the Sea, the next few verses say that Miriam the prophet took a timbrel in her hand [etc.] "and sang this song to [same wording: Adonai / the Lord / whatever]" followed by the first words from the 18 verses after Moses and the Children sang "this song").

So what does the new Conservative prayer book have? And if Miriam is included, is there any commentary in the margins or anything? And if Miriam is included and there aren't any comments in the margins about her inclusion, how does your shul like or dislike the change?

Thanks.

[peachymom1]

First, Frieda, hugs to you. And Angelika, beautifully articulated.

I am not a rabbi, scholar, scientist or even an apologist for God. But I do want to share some thoughts on this subject. They may not make any sense, and I might even end up contradicting myself, but here goes.

No matter what your take is on God, nobody has come up with a completely satisfying explanation. There's always something we can't explain, no matter how hard we try or what elements of the argument we change. Some say this is because God is unknowable, but I don't accept that, because in my experience, I have known God, however limited that knowledge might be. Some say it's because God doesn't exist, but how then does one explain the astounding things in nature and our amazing capacity for love and compassion? Some say God controls the universe, but there are plenty of holes to punch in that theory, and some say God accomplished the work of creation and that was enough, so it's out of God's hands. And on and on and on. People have wondered, argued, puzzled and gotten frustrated for millennia about how God works (or doesn't), how the universe is ordered (or isn't), and what the heck we're doing here, if we even belong here at all.

This is why I feel so strongly that we must have religious tolerance in this world if we are to get anything done and move forward in what we can do. If we could accomplish just one thing in this life, that IMO would be it, because if we could set aside our disagreements about God and stop judging each other, demeaning each other and killing each other, we might just have enough time to turn our attention to ending world hunger and poverty, and curing diseases.

We don't have a cure for cancer (or autism, or spina bifida, etc.) because we haven't put enough time in yet. For example, we've spent thousands of years barring women (and others) from fully contributing their minds and talents to society and science. We've also spent thousands of years murdering each other over territory, possessions, power and religion. How much further could we have advanced without those self-imposed stumbling blocks? And we're still doing it, in the 21st century! But in spite of this, we have indeed made great progress (like vaccinations, marriage equality, etc.), at least in America. Imagine what amazing things we could accomplish if we cleared away all the chazzerai that's holding us back!

I don't have the chutzpah to claim I can explain the Holocaust. But I will state my opinion, Frieda. Personally, I don't believe God *could* stop the Holocaust; that is to say, I don't believe God had the ability to do so. If God interferes in the actions of people, then we cease to be people with free will and become chess pieces, and God ceases to be God and becomes a puppeteer, in which case there's no point in pretending we choose anything for ourselves at all. The Holocaust wasn't something God did to us; it was something people did to us, so it had to be people who stopped it.

Maybe that sounds terrible or simplistic or ignorant, and maybe it is all of those things. But I can't believe in a God who would perpetrate something as horrible as the Holocaust, or that would let such an awful thing happen if it were in God's power to stop it. So I don't. The only kind of God I can believe in is one who is loving and kind. I don't believe God caused the Holocaust and I don't believe God simply decided not to intervene out of sheer indifference.

I tend to take Angelika's view. What can *I* do to ease someone's pain or burden, to help make their life better, to make a difference to someone else? And am I properly grateful for the wonderful blessings I do have? What have I done to add something positive to the world? And can I set aside my own arrogance to accept help from someone else when I need it? Why should I deserve any special attention or favor? I don't. And yet, I have good health, good friends, and amazing love in my life. How can I deny God exists when my life is rich with God's blessings?

Shutting up and stepping off the soapbox now...