Jewish Musings, Wednesday 3/22

[lee058]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:

Angelika
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

And for those of you who stop by to read this thread without posting — you are certainly welcome to, but you are also welcome to chime in!

[lee058]

Good morning everybody. The sun is shining, and I think it's going to be a good day. My shoulder hurts, but I feel happy anyway. Hope you are all doing well today too.

As for today's topic, I am going to copy the themes from yesterday, as I said. Here they come.

Related ideas for this week: How do you feel about having to deal with pain? Are you resentful? Sad? Accepting of it as something that happens naturally as you age? Are you angry at your body, fate, or God? Does this affect your personality, your faith, your self-esteem or your awareness?

As Jews, what is our relationship with pain and suffering? Do you feel that we experience them differently because of our history? What does your individual pain and suffering have to do with your identity of being Jewish?

(Plus whatever else we think up while discussing these aspects of the topic.)

For me, how I feel about having to deal with pain has different aspects. Sometimes I feel all of the various feelings that I listed above: resentful, sad, accepting, angry, etc. I want to feel healthy. I want to feel that I am physically able to do whatever I want. However, that just isn't so. Someone said yesterday that people who were negative about the hand they were dealt were often not pleasant people to be around. I've been thinking about that. On the one hand, if I am fatalistic, I won't do anything to help myself feel better. On the other hand, if all I do is complain, I won't do anything either. As a third option, if I am angry, that can sometimes be a motivator to work at making a change. Anger is a complicated emotion. Too much makes me incapable of actually being methodical enough to figure out what I need to do. It also definitely can make me sarcastic or blaming other people for things they have no control over. I want to avoid those behaviors.

Being angry at myself for having health problems is not productive or kind towards myself. Being angry at myself that I haven't done things that I actually could do but haven't could possibly help me change. There are plenty of things that I could do to help myself feel better, and I do some of them but not all. Sometimes I am just not motivated, even though I know they could help. Like I said, this is complicated.

Thinking about things like this is definitely a good step to take. When I work at analyzing my thoughts and feelings, it helps me figure out what is holding me back from making changes and what is helping me get better. Consciousness is a great gift.

Sharing my thoughts and feelings in a constructive way (not dumping negativity onto anyone) also can be very helpful. I appreciate the people in my life who listen, and I have found that when I listen to them, I can often find new ways of looking at a situation. One reason I do not talk much with my cousin who is very negative (I've talked about her before) is that although she has said that she will listen to my problems and I can listen to hers, the price is way too high for me to pay. I do not want to just complain, and I absolutely do not want to listen to her see the worst in every situation. These make me feel worse. Maybe I am different from many other people, in that I would rather hold some things in until I figure out what I want to do about them. My mom thinks that I should talk more with her or maybe my cousin about things that bother me; I feel that that is why I am in therapy --- to be able to explore what I can do rather than wallow in what I can't.

Anyway, that's what I'm thinking about this morning. I'll be back later. Have a peaceful day, Lee

[hollygail]

Very briefly: I posted on yesterday's thread last night relatively late. Please take a look if you're interested.

Must leave shortly, so here's the first thing that came to mind as I read today's post. DH is somewhat negative. I have told him that I don't want negativity in my life, and I've said it as many ways as I've figured out how to say it, really I have. Frequently, I just walk out of the room when he's being negative. Sometimes I just plain ignore him when he's talking (and if he figures out that I'm not listening, and says something about it, I'm honest about turning off listening when he's being negative). However, it does get to me. I really don't want negativity in my life. My mother was negative too, and I picked it up (until about age 35 when I made some MAJOR changes in my life). I think that's why I am so against living with negativity now.

I may not be back until after dinner tonight. I'll read the rest of today's thread then.

[savtele]

Boker Tov All! Lee - 1st off, Mazel Tov To your DS! (and to you - you have helped him get to this point!)

Today I will be in a SNAP/EBT (foodstamps) training most of the day - I will be handling the foodstamps payments at the Farmer's Market this summer. Farmer's Market happens on Thursday afternoon/evening in the Antique Mall parking lot, so that is where I will be. The foodstamps part is a complicated set-up - I'm looking forward to learning this!

I'm loving our "Group Therapy" this week - Lee, your ideas about negative people hits the nail on the head for me!

One thing I have learned about myself, and am happy to pass on to others - is to stay ahead of pain. (a tip from a Physical Therapist, years ago: take a pain pill 1/2 hour BEFORE PT - you get a better workout!) Today I will be out of the house most of the day - it is in my best interest to take a variety of pain pills with me - Tylenol, Vicodin, Meloxicam (NSAID) - I will know what works best when the time comes. AND, even thought the phone conference/class is a seated thing, it's a good idea for me to stand up from time to time, shift my weight from foot to foot, do some twists & maybe a few squats, stretch my back. I am also learning that I can visualize myself doing something - and if I keep at it, it may not become as fluid or as perfect as I envision, but I can work toward that!

Louise - I love that you are strong enough to carry the Torah in 1 arm & hold the hand-rail with the other! It's good to not take chances - and good to feel comfortable doing it. However that works for you!

Have a good day ladies!

[gazelle18]

This year we have a crowd coming for Seder, so DH and I decided a few minutes ago to figure out how we could seat everyone. We got out the various folding tables from the garage and brought then in for a "dry run." I was doing my part, but my shoulder was killing me. I noticed that I was really crabby during this whole process. I stopped and realized that my pain was actually putting me in an unhappy frame of mind! Not sure I had ever noticed that before!

[happysavta]

Lee, I definitely am the negative one, the one who thinks the sky is falling, the one who thinks any mistake, any wrong decision leads straight to catastrophe. So, exaggeration is one element that can lead to negativity. Fear, of course, is also a big element in my negativity. I'm afraid of the danger of exercise taxing my body, so I don't move. And judgmentalism is a part of it too. If you are highly critical of the people, places and things around you, or even of yourself, that's negativity.

So how do we switch to optimistic thinking? For me, not being a natural optimistic like my DH, optimism has to become a learned skill. My psychologist gave me a simple rubberband to put on my wrist and told me to snap it every time I caught myself in negative thinking and then to replace the thought. For the exaggeration, he said to choose my words more carefully. "Driving in rush hour is impossible." to "Driving in rush hour is difficult, but I can do it if I have to." For the fear, he said to ask myself "What's the worst possible thing that can happen?" follwed by the words, "So?". For example, I'm afraid to open the mailbox because there might be something bad in one of the letters. "What's the worst thing that could happen?" "An IRS audit." "So?" The judgmentalism and the criticism are something I still have to work on.

If you can drop some of the negativity, you have a chance to replace it with optimism. For me, that's a feeling that everything is OK, and
"I can do it" spirit. So to be optimistic, I do meditation class once a week. I feel better and more optimistic when I am tracking my food and losing weight than when I am out of control. Looking at flowers makes me feel optimistic. Being around my grandchildren always is a boost to my spirits. I feel wonderful around them, on Cloud 9.

All good things,

Frieda

[louise]

I have one friend who is a real Debbie Downer. I feel bad sometimes when I don't have patience to listen to her but sometimes I feel she just allows situations to take her over and it's hard to listen - I do try to cut her some slack. I have another friend (the stained glass artist I work with) who in the last few months had surgery for breast cancer and shortly after she finished radiation had both knees replaced. She keeps an upbeat frame of mind and I go out of my way to call her every week - I think she is incredible and I am only to happy to hear her complaints - she earned her right to them. Just saying that attitude effects not only the person with the difficulty but also their support group. I need to remember to apply the same when dealing with myself.

[lee058]

Back again for a minute before I have to do something about dinner (unless I can get DS to heat up some leftovers). I just wanted to say how impressed I am with everyone's being so open, creative, and determined!

See you later, and have a peaceful evening, Lee