Jewish Musings, Friday 3/24

[lee058]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:

Angelika
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

And for those of you who stop by to read this thread without posting — you are certainly welcome to, but you are also welcome to chime in!

[lee058]

Good morning everybody. Hope you are all well today. At around 12:30PM, I am leaving to drive to my MRI appointment, which will be (supposedly) at 1:45. I am bringing a book as I am sure I will be waiting for awhile. I hope to have a nice quiet morning at home beforehand, so as to be calm and relaxed for the procedure. I am not scared about having it --- somewhat apprehensive, but not scared. I do need to remember to remove my earrings at home; I usually wear them all the time.

Right now, it is very cloudy and supposed to rain most of the morning. By the time I am done with the MRI, hopefully the sun will be shining.

As for today's topic, I am going to copy the themes from yesterday, as I said. Here they come.

Related ideas for this week: How do you feel about having to deal with pain? Are you resentful? Sad? Accepting of it as something that happens naturally as you age? Are you angry at your body, fate, or God? Does this affect your personality, your faith, your self-esteem or your awareness?

As Jews, what is our relationship with pain and suffering? Do you feel that we experience them differently because of our history? What does your individual pain and suffering have to do with your identity of being Jewish?

(Plus whatever else we think up while discussing these aspects of the topic.)

Re this week's topics: I personally have found writing about this to be very interesting and helpful, as has reading all the responses. I hope that the rest of our group has felt the same way.

I think that what I feel like writing about today is how to respond to pain, suffering, and other difficult circumstances. What can I/we do to cope and/or make a situation better or at least more bearable?

There are some things that can be fixed and others that can't. However, for me, through the 12-Step programs I have been involved with, therapy, and just plain "growing up", I am better at dealing with them than I used to be. When I have problems (emotional, physical, or otherwise), I have learned that eventually I will change, when the pain of staying still becomes worse than the pain of changing. In the past, I held onto painful people and situations longer than was helpful for me. Now, I am better at letting go of them. I still have much to learn about how to do this, but I am making progress. Even when dealing with physical pains, sometimes I have told myself that I could handle them, that they weren't a big deal, that I shouldn't be a baby about them, and other non-helpful statements. As a result, sometimes the situation has gotten worse instead of going away on its own. The same has held true for emotional and spiritual pains; there have been times when I needed to do something about them but told myself that I didn't. This wasn't helpful either.

Part of the problem is that I am stubborn and don't like "giving up" on something or someone; I think I can force a situation to get better. Sometimes that is true, but sometimes it just isn't, especially when dealing with other people.

I also have been reluctant to look at whether or not I am "getting something" from not changing. There may be some reasons, maybe even some seemingly very practical reasons, for not changing. It may sound insane to say that I might be "getting something" out of not changing something that is hurting me, but it can happen. For one example, if I hadn't gone to my primary doctor and then the orthopedic doctor about my shoulder, I wouldn't have had to face getting physical therapy, the MRI, or the possibility of needing further medical care (like a cortisone shot or maybe even surgery). Of course, when I look at it rationally, if I had put things off longer, eventually I would have HAD to do something about them, or the situation would have gotten worse. This way, by taking action, hopefully my doctors will be able to figure out how to fix my shoulder and then I won't have to deal with that particular pain any more. I hope that is what will happen.

As for psychological pains, I think everyone here has had the experience of hanging on to people or situations that were not healthy for us. It can be hard work to make this sort of change too.

Anyway, to round this up, what I want to say is that I think that learning that we CAN help ourselves and that we are worth it is valuable and important. I admire our group very much.

I'll check back later. Have a peaceful day, Lee

[hollygail]

No time right now for today's topic (leaving for minyan shortly) but I found a site that offers free magazine subscriptions, including the Weight Watchers magazine. Here's the URL with the offer:
www.freestuff.com/free-samples/weight-loss/free-subscription-to-weight-watchers-magazine-5/

[savtele]

Boker Tov All! Another very rainy day in OR - and our bathroom skylight has sprung a leak, in the lower L corner. There's a plant under it, I heard it drip-dripping onto the leaves last night.

Of course, what I have learned about physical pain, is to try to keep ahead of it - by taking along medicines, doing exercises, etc. And, like many of us, where mental pain is concerned, I tend to try to put it off as long as possible (which never really works, BTW, it just prolongs the agony) And the only person I can be responsible for - is me. How my DH, DD, DM, or anyone else responds may be a concern, but I cannot do much about it.

I'm getting ready to go to work for the day (and the pool) - but having listened to the drip-dripping on the plant leaf all night long, it's going to be a long day. (John sleeps with earplugs, he doesn't hear a thing!)

Lee - I've enjoyed our week! We are all so different, and so much alike.

Shabbat Shalom!

[happysavta]

Lee wrote, "I also have been reluctant to look at whether or not I am "getting something" from not changing. There may be some reasons, maybe even some seemingly very practical reasons, for not changing. It may sound insane to say that I might be "getting something" out of not changing something that is hurting me, but it can happen."

Absolutely true, Lee, and that opens up a big topic. If we weren't getting something out of a behavior, we wouldn't continue to do it.

Examples:

Being overweight gives me a cover story for why I don't participate in hiking, biking, walking, swimming and the rest of the family doesn't pressure me to go. They know "Mom can't walk so far or Mom can't walk so fast" so they don't ask me. And I get to stay indoors where it's cool and air conditioned and watch TV or cook or take a nap, do whatever I want. So, yes, I get something out of being overweight, but it's not the right choice.

Being overweight gives me a reason not to bother with cosmetics and hair and fashion clothing and other social demands. I don't have to shop and spend money and read boring fashion magazines. I don't have to get my eyebrows plucked and I don't have to shop at Nordstroms. I can keep my money in my pocket and my time walking around the mall to a minimum. So, yes, I get something out of being overweight, but it's not the right choice.

"Taking care" of my 36 y/o Aspie gives me a reason to continue being "Mom", a title I highly value. It gives me a sense of productivity (see how busy I am?), nobility (aren't I wonderful for taking care of all his needs?) and power (I'm in charge.). So I get a lot out of "taking care" of DS#4. But it's not the right choice for me or for him. Each thing I do for him, each little bit of micro-managing, takes away from his independence and his self-empowerment.

This subject is one we should talk about more. Until we figure out what the benefit is that we are getting, I don't think we will change.

[lee058]

Hi again everybody. I got through the MRI. It was bad but not horrible. I'm glad that these procedures exist, but I hope that I never have to go through one again. On Monday, I'm seeing the orthopedic doctor again to go over the results and hear what he thinks should be done next.

Thanks for your good wishes!!! Have a peaceful night and weekend, and see you on Sunday, Lee