Jewish Musings, Wed., April 5

[gazelle18]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:

Angelika
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

And for those of you who stop by to read this thread without posting — you are certainly welcome to, but you are also welcome to chime in

[gazelle18]

Hi Everyone....
Well, Louise, interesting things going on in your life! I think we can all agree: a prospective employer would do well to ask us all for a recommendation!

If I had to pick one word that encapsulates Passover for me, it would be "freedom." Other words might be more appropriate, like "redemption", but Freedom is what resonates for me.

Of course, even though we live in a land of freedom, the term is a relative one. No one is entirely free. We can't run red lights without the possibility of an accident or a ticket. We can't boycott work and expect to still collect a paycheck. etc. etc. AND, i definitely cannot eat an entire pie and expect the scale not to go up.

If you could pick one thing to be "free from," what would it be? Weight, worry, responsibility, a particular person, a particular compulsion? Why? and can you express how that freedom would make you feel?

[hollygail]

I'm not sure I feel "oppressed" by anything in particular... Before I got to the question, and after I got to the sentence about the "one word" that characterizes Passover, I was thinking about the benediction in the daily amidah about hearing the shofar gadol cheiruteinu, the "great" shofar of our freedom... Sure, there are individual things that sometimes bother me, but they seem minor, as far as the "long run" is concerned... Like that student that pushed my buttons last week; he's rarely in that class, and besides, the class is almost finished for the year anyway... Or when DH frustrates me with one of his stupid comments or whatever; the reality is, I do love him and frankly would rather be with him than without him. I've described him as my "reward" for having kissed all those frogs...

[peachymom1]

I wish I could be free of trigger foods. Maybe transform them to ordinary foods in my head, foods that I could enjoy a reasonable portion of without going bananas. I know I do have the freedom to make good and healthy choices when it comes to food, and I also have the freedom to allow myself indulgences here and there, and to balance things so I don't feel deprived and don't get unhealthy. But dang it, sometimes those trigger foods just sneak up behind me and take control, no matter what I do. Ugh!

[savtele]

Boker Tov All! Yesterday I came here, started to comment - and then my internet AND my phone went "down." Strange day indeed. So - as to yesterday - I think the bravest thing I ever did was leave my 1st (abusive/substance abusing) husband, take my 3 small children & make a life for us.

As to today's subject - I also would like to be "free" of trigger foods. And physical pain. That would be good. What I am learning is that it is a process - and while I may never be completely pain-free, there is so much, other than drugs, that I can do to minimize my pain levels, and to maximize my quality of life. The tools for this were not handed to me - I had to search for them, and much trial and error were, and still are, involved! Looking at the world around me, it is clear to me that "freedom" that is demanded without any work or other input is very seldom valued. And once it is gone, it is very difficult to get back.

I need to get ready for work. I'm missing my "pool time" this week - not cleared to get back into the water until next week.

Have a good day ladies!

[happysavta]

Peachy, with respect, I have to challenge some of what you said about trigger foods.

If you run a 5K wearing high heels, you are likely to trip. And end up on your face. Trigger foods trip me up every time. IMO, it's a myth that trigger foods can be enjoyed in reasonable portions without going bananas. That's never been my experience, anyway. I have to find substitute foods that I enjoy, but not so much that I crave them and cannot resist them.

Every alcoholic wants to believe that he can enjoy an occasional drink and not go on a binge. Every druggie wants to believe that just one fix won't derail his abstinence. And like you, I want to believe that "I also have the freedom to allow myself indulgences here and there, and to balance things so I don't feel deprived and don't get unhealthy." But when I'm clear-headed, I know that yes, I can allow myself indulgences, but they can't be indulgences of my trigger foods. They have to be a different food or a different experience.

I didn't understand why you ended the sentence with the words, "and don't get unhealthy". Are your trigger foods so healthy and have so much nutritional value that you can't take them out of your food plan? My triggers are just sugar and processed carbs. They were what made me unhealthy.

Peachy, are you also 100% sure that, "sometimes those trigger foods just sneak up behind me and take control, no matter what I do." Trigger foods are just inanimate objects. They can't take control over a human being. Temptation is just a thought like any other thought in your head.

My thinking goes like this, "Oo, that looks so good. I want some. I love that stuff. It tastes so good. I deserve some once in a while. It's not a big deal. I can handle just a slice. It's OK. I'm salivating looking at it and smelling it and imagining eating it. I need it. It's not fair that everyone else can eat it. I'm going to get it. I don't care. " That's the dialogue I go through when I'm tempted. My triggers are walnuts, soft white bread with peanut butter and white flour spaghetti. When I start eating those foods, portions do not exist. I just eat until it's all gone.

Can we examine the "no matter what I do" part? Here's what I do. Maybe you can too. I don't keep trigger foods in the house. There are no walnuts, soft white bread, peanut or white flour spaghetti here. I also don't bring in sugary foods like cookies, pies, cakes, donuts, chocolate, ice cream or sweetened cereals. It just doesn't work for me to be around sugars. I don't go to fast food joints because I can't handle it. I used to go every single day, sometimes twice a day. I would always go pick up a burger and fries for myself on my way home for dinner and stuff it down quickly in the car before I reached home. I'd throw the wrappers in the trash can so DH and the kids wouldn't see that I had already eaten. I did this for years.

I was at a kiddie birthday party last week in Houston. There was pizza and cake with icing. If I wasn't actively trying to lose weight now and trying to make lifestyle changes, I would have eaten both. But I am clear headed enough to recognize that pizza and cake are not compatible with my 2 goals; eating them would set me back.

Actions:
1. I didn't go open the boxes of pizza to see what kinds were there, scouting out the possibilities and choices.
2. I didn't go stare at the cake or ask what kind it was, as I usually do, triggering my imagination.
3. I drank from a bottle of water when the server came up to ask if I wanted a piece.
4. I forced the words, "No thank you" from my lips, though I wanted to nod "Yes", and give my sweet "of course I do" smile.
5. I got my granddaughter to come sit with me and chit-chat.
6. I had brought a book with me to distract me, since I didn't know the people there.
7. I made a trip to the bathroom although I didn't need to, just to get up and move away.
8. I ate the hummus and veggies that were provided for the adults.
9. I ate something before I came to the party, a banana.

So, again with all respect, Peachy, I have to challenge the "no matter what I do" phrase. Are you 100% sure that you have indeed done all you can to handle trigger foods and trigger food situations? These small acts all begin with "I". That's powerful. Small acts can build a wall of defense against your trigger foods. They seem small, but they are not insignificant.

Peachy, let me assure you that I'm not being critical or judgmental, I am just challenging some of your words and asking if we can dig a little deeper to see if they are absolute truths or inevitable truths. No offense was intended and I hope no offense was taken. We are chaverot.

And let me admit to you that I'm no saint. I still find ways to cheat. I use the Costco sampling system to get a taste of this or that. That works for me because I get just a bite and then I have to move away from the sample stand and let the next person have a sample too. I can't stand there and gobble down the whole tray. So, maybe you can find something that works for you too.

All good things,

Frieda

[lee058]

Hi everybody. Hope you are all well. At the risk of taking over today's thread, I want to tell you what happened yesterday afternoon and this morning. The end of the story is that I am fine, my car is fine, and everything worked out okay. (My mom and I always start our stories that way to reassure the other that no matter how bad things may sound, there is a happy ending or at least one where we are safe.)

To make a long story short: I was out driving yesterday afternoon, and I smelled a peculiar odor. I didn't know what it was or where it was coming from. Suddenly, a car pulled up to me and a woman yelled to me that my brake was on fire! It was terrifying. I realized that there was smoke. I got to the nearest service station and told them what had happened. After the mechanic had taken a look at my car, the manager gave me an estimate of $750. I asked if they could fix it right away, and they said yes, so I told them to go ahead. I called DS at work and told him that I would be late picking him up, but that I would call as soon as the car was fixed so he would know when to meet me in the waiting area. He was okay with that (which he wouldn't have been when he was younger).

After I was warned about the car but before I got to the service station, I called H. He said I should get the car towed to our usual mechanic, about 10-12 miles away. After I got the estimate, I tried to call him again, but couldn't reach him, so I had to make the decision about what to do. I knew that if I got the car fixed where I was, H would be upset that I hadn't done what he suggested. I thought about what to do, and realized that if I got towed to our usual mechanic, there was no saying that he would be able to get the parts as rapidly or even that he would be able to fix the car that afternoon. There would also be the difficulty of picking DS up at work. My decision was to stay where I was, get the car fixed, pick up DS as soon as possible afterwards, and just tell H that I did what I thought was the best thing to do.

The final cost for fixing the car was $800. The brake hose had melted, causing the caliper to jam, causing all the other problems. The station manager told me that I had gotten there just in time, and if I had driven any more, it could have been dangerous. (I am trying to not think about that today.)

I was right; H said that I had paid too much and that I should have done what he said. I told him what the station manager had said, and that I thought it was better that I had gotten it fixed where I was. He told me that he wanted our regular mechanic to look over the repair and the other brakes, and I said that I had already made an appointment (I called our mechanic when I picked DS up, and found out that unexpectedly, DS would be working the early shift Wednesday morning and that I could bring the car in after I took DS home from work).

I took the car in today, and our mechanic said the car looked fine, but that he wanted to change the other brake hose. I said sure, he did it, and it was done. Cost: $132.20.

So that is what has been going on in my life. Thank goodness everything worked out okay and I am home safe and sound, and that the car is okay too.

Life is really something; you can't plan for everything. Sometimes you just have to roll with whatever happens.

Have a peaceful rest of the day, Lee

[louise]

Oh to be free of my mishugas! I don't always see things clearly as relates to myself and one misperception easily can lead to another.

Had that 30 minute phone interview with the CEO of that shul I was so excited about. No idea how I did. It was pretty daunting though.