Jewish Musings, Tuesday May 2nd

[lee058]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:

Angelika
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

And for those of you who stop by to read this thread without posting — you are welcome to do that but you are also welcome to chime in.

[lee058]

Good morning everybody. Hope you are all well. Thanks for all your comments and support yesterday! It was a difficult day. However, today the sun is shining and hopefully it will be much better.

As for today's topic, I'd like us to start taking a look at our self-esteem and how it affects what we do, as well as how we feel. Specifically for today, this question: DO YOU FEEL FAT??? If so, under what circumstances? Airline or restaurant seats? People's comments? Finding clothes? Or what else?

Do you compare your body with other people's? How about celebrities? Magazine ads?

If you catch your reflection in a mirror, what do you say to yourself? Do you judge yourself based on your weight and/or size? Does the number on a scale affect how you treat yourself?

For me, yes, sometimes I feel fat. I actually AM way over what I should weigh for my height and build; it's not just vanity. However, I try to ignore it unless something brings it to my attention. I sometimes have problems fitting into seats. This can be embarrassing, but I have found ways to minimize this; in restaurants, for example, I say that I would prefer a table to a booth.

As for people's comments, yes, sometimes I have overheard unkind comments, or even been told them to my face. Sometimes I have confronted people and other times I have let them go.

I do not like clothes shopping, as there are only a few places that even have my size and I don't always like what is available. I don't like buying clothes online because I need to try things on to see how they fit, and do not like the hassle of returning them.

I try to not compare my body with other people's, but sometimes it is unavoidable. For example, if I find myself struggling to fit into a seat or squeeze into a narrow passageway when others are doing so easily, I feel unhappy about my size. Magazine ads and celebrities annoy me.

If I catch my reflection in a mirror, I try to remember to smile at myself and think something nice about myself. I have judged myself by my weight and/or size, but I am trying to get away from that, as well as letting the number on the scale make me feel bad about myself (which in turn, tends to make me do unhelpful things like overeating).

I will probably add more later, and am very interested in reading your responses. I hope that this week will help all of us, even if some of the topics (like today's) may be a bit uncomfortable. I hope that we can take them as letting ourselves blow off some steam about how we really feel! Have a peaceful day, Lee

[savtele]

Boker Tov All! Lee - I can relate with your mom story - I never made it here yesterday. After swimming, I took mom to an eye appt - and things with her went downhill from there. Fortunately, I was the "aide" at the time, and she and I will be heading out to the dr again shortly today. Nothing overly bad - her pressure (glaucoma) in 1 eye was very bad, because she had waited too long to have me order her eye drops. (I do it online for her - but she tends to leave me messages like "I need the drops with the green cap." By the time I actually get ahold of her to find out the name of the drops she needs, she might end up going a day without them!)

Sometimes I feel fat. Other times, I just feel "me." - I don't know if that means that my normal is "fat." I do know that my joints/feet hurt less when I weigh less.

At the pool, the dressing room has lots of big mirrors, make-up counters, etc. It's understandable - 10 ladies who have just swum now need to get ready to face whatever the outside world brings. But there, (not in the pool) I feel fat. I hate the "reveal" when the towel comes off. Several of the ladies actually go into the sauna to dress. I'm assuming theirs is the same aversion to the mirrors. Some days, as I'm pulling up my pants, I'm very aware that my heiny is facing another mirror - like a fun-house, tummy/boobs facing one way, heiny the other.

I don't compare myself to celebs - 1st off, the ones closer to my age no longer look like they did when they were 20, either. Kathy Bates, Susan Sarandon (who played a stunning Bette Davis in "Feud - Bette Davis & Joan Crawford" - played by Jessica Lang). Magazine ads - the same. And the celebs all have "people" who make them look good. I think it was Marg Helgenberger who said that she had gotten bad comments in the grocery store - her hair was in a pony, no make-up, sweats - because she didn't look like Marg Helgenberger! Yep - there I days when I don't look like Angelika Chandler...

As to clothes shopping - I realized long ago that there are certain styles that I should refuse to wear. If it makes me feel "frumpy" - if I feel old, fat, passe, or otherwise "not cool" in it, why bother! I refuse to buy dresses/tops with yokes, with the gathered fabric underneath. You know, like maternity blouses. Not going there!

I think that I am much too pragmatic to "judge" myself for my size. I HOPE that I am too kind to judge anyone else for theirs.

There is no H2O class this AM - my plan is to go for a walk before heading to mom's. I'll take her lunch/dinner. She's supposed to have the laser surgery on the other eye. Then we'll see how she does. She has a tendency not to eat when she's upset or had something done - she just wants to hunker down in her recliner. So if I take her something ready-to-eat, hopefully she will just eat it! She has told me at times that she is "just too tired to eat." - I've never been to tired to eat in my life!

I'm off! Have a good day, ladies

[lee058]

Hi again everybody. I have some good news; I just heard from my doctor's office, and my blood tests were normal. My kidneys have not been affected by the ibuprofen, so I can keep taking it, and I do not have to change my appointment with the orthopedist from May 11th to sooner than that. I am very relieved.

Now I can relax and enjoy the rest of the day. I do need to do a few chores, but nothing urgent. I have plenty of time to use the computer and even take a nap later. I love it!

Have a peaceful afternoon, Lee

[gazelle18]

Sad to say, I am the poster child for self - deprecation and self criticism. I almost always feel fat. A few years ago, I lost 20 lbs on WW and felt great. But then I hit a plateau, and never overcame it. The weight I lost has crept back on.

I generally do not have an issue with seats and airplanes, but I am definitely classified, medically, as obese. I don't like to look in the mirror, I don't generally enjoy clothes shopping, etc. I could go on and on. And yes, I have endured many comments from others about my weight.

On the brighter side, I am in good health for my age, and I am able to exercise, get on the floor with the grandkids, and do pretty much whatever I want. I should concentrate more on this aspect.

[hollygail]

I never felt "fat." At my highest weight, I felt uncomfortable, both in my body and in my clothes. I felt "heavy," like I was "dragging" around weighty objects. I didn't like it at all.

I might add that most of my life, my height and weight were in proportion. I was never skinny, or even particularly slim. I usually described my look as "medium." And I wore size medium, so that worked for me. Then came menopause. I went from around 135 to 175 (no, I don't know how long it took; I wasn't weighing myself), from a size 10 to a size 14, and some 14s were tight. That's when DH and I did WeightWatchers online. I don't remember how long it took, but I went down to somewhere between 135 and 140 (I just don't remember), went off WW, and my weight settled in at 142, size 10/12, which was fine with me... And then I weighed 165, at which point I joined WW and started going to meetings. It took me about 14 or 15 months to reach goal and Lifetime, where I've been ever since.

I don't remember that anyone said anything negative to me while I was gaining or while I was a size 14 either.

I have never compared myself (body-wise) to other people, famous or not. And I don't remember ever noticing that my reflection in a mirror showed me heavier than before menopause, so there was none of that self-scolding stuff...

And the number on the scale determines whether I have to pay WW or not, so I keep that number within the guidelines WW set up.

I'm not sure I ever really cared what other people thought of my physical appearance... Until I started watching What Not To Wear; after that, I got rid of all my men's work shirts, started buying women's jeans instead of men's, and started tucking my blouses into my pants... But I wear make-up only on Shabbat and special occasions, so how much do I really care even now about what other people think about my appearance? ... Apparently, it's not all that high on my list...

[louise]

Sometimes I'll say to a friend "Do I look like that?" pointing to some very overweight woman. People tend to respond to me, at least to my face, like I'm not as fat as I think, but come on now, I wouldn't be skinny if I lost 75 pounds! Maybe it's more to the point that they are responding to so many other facets of me that my weight doesn't sing out. Maybe it's that I have figured a look that's "okay" - typically black pants and an embellished T-shirt. There is a full length mirror on the back of my bathroom door, so when it's closed and I get out of the shower I would be confronted by my reflection but somehow my eyes are pretty much always averted. I have had times when I could just barely get the seatbelt buckled - very upsetting. And I always notice how much I have to reel it out since the last person. Oh well. What's probably the most important now is what Angelika said and I have also said before - less weight, less pain.

[peachymom1]

Isn't it amazing what perspective will do? When I'm on track and eating well (whether I'm losing weight or not), I don't feel fat, and even if I see myself in the mirror and know that I have a size and a half to lose, I feel so good about doing well that it doesn't matter.

But when I'm doing poorly and not eating right, slacking on the exercise, I feel uncomfortable and embarrassed because I know I can do better and I'm upset with myself. That's when it's hard to forgive myself and shake it off.

I lost two pounds last week and am doing well this week. Today is the fifth day of my week, and although I've used all my weeklies, I still have about 15 activity points (or fit points or whatever they're called now). So I feel good.

[peachymom1]

I have no interest in celebrities' bodies or those of magazine models. They're not real to me, and they're slaves to impossible standards. I find nothing particularly interesting or admirable about how they look.