Jewish Musings, Wednesday May 3rd

[lee058]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:

Angelika
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

And for those of you who stop by to read this thread without posting — you are welcome to do that but you are also welcome to chime in.

[lee058]

Good morning everybody. Hope you are all well. I'm in a big rush this morning, so I will just post today's topic now and comment later. Hope you don't mind.

Today's topic: What are some of your traits about which your opinions have changed over time? Why and how?

I'll be back later. Have a peaceful day, Lee

[hollygail]

OMG!! That's such a BIG question! And I have only a few minutes! Influence. Mostly from people I admire or respect (or both) for one reason or another. I'll come back later to flesh this out.

And thank you, Beryl, for last night's late posting. How did you remember?

[savtele]

Boker Tov All!
Happy Belated Birthday Holly! (at our age - whatever that may be - a week of celebrating is not too much - Party On!)

I think today's question will need several answers - as the day wears on.

I've always had long legs. My family tends to "thunder thighs" but my legs were long and well-shaped. Then came my accident. Part of what happened is my L femur, one of the largest bones in the body, broke and displaced, cutting through all the muscle in my thigh. I was put in traction, with 35 pounds of wt hanging from a rod that had been surgically placed through the bones below the knee. So - long story short, when all was said and done, and the casts and bandages all came off, my L leg looked like a 5 year old's playdough project. There are lumps and bumps, scars and bunched up muscles - and there is usually either pain, in other places, no feeling at all, unless I sit too long - then everything cramps up.

And for years, I refused to wear dresses, capris, shorts. I wouldn't have dreamed of going to the pool! Loose-fitting slacks, preferably black or navy blue, were all that I allowed myself to wear.

Then, at some point, it dawned on me that nobody was paying attention! If they were, they could ask questions, I could answer them, or we could just all go on with our days. What other people think of how I look is none of my business - it was very freeing! (I think that was when I stopped dying my hair, too. Mom said I looked "elegant" Sylvia, my sister, said I looked "old!" - I'm going with "elegant!") It wasn't a matter of giving up - it was a point of expanding my viewpoint - I bought capris, dresses, skirts, shorts, and a swim suit!

Today I'm opening the store. My boss & a co-worker are off to an estate sale. (they are already on the road) I need to get moving - I'll take my swimsuit along & go to the pool after work.

Have a good day ladies

[gazelle18]

Speaking of thighs, as Angelika just did, gives me the answer to Lee's question.Even when I was very thin, I had thunder thighs. I hated to be seen in a swimsuit, because I was certain that all people would look at were my thighs. Then I realized: I may have thunder thighs, but my legs are really, really strong, and flexible. My exercise teacher (who is quite fit!) has remarked that my squats are better than hers!! Now, if someone gave me the choice between thin but weak thighs and my strong thunder thighs, I would choose the latter!

HAPPY BDAY HOLLY, even if belated. Sorry I missed it!!

[gazelle18]

Peachy made a comment last evening that resonated with me. I had posted that I felt fat, avoided the mirror, etc. etc. Peachy talked about perspective. She said she feels worse about herself when she is off plan, and starts to feel better about herself when she gets back on plan. That is EXACTLY what has has been happening with me. Thanks, Peachy!

[brgmsn]

Happy birthday TODAY Holly! It comes up on my FB reminders!
Have a wonderful day and do something nice for yourself!
Hi ladies. Have a great day

[happysavta]

Shalom chaverot, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOLLY!

Sorry I wasn't able to post yesterday; I was too tired. I spent the morning in one of the malls yesterday at the request of DD, being a mystery shopper at 8 stores. It took me 3 hours to browse and fill out the questionnaires and I was absolutely exhausted. That was a lot of walking and standing for me. When I got home, I went straight to bed. In the evening, I typed up all the notes on the questionnaires and emailed them to DD. I don't think I will take on any more big assignments from her. In practical terms, it takes up my whole day and I don't have the energy required.

Lee, your questions about self image and overweight yesterday was very interesting, but they are a minefield for me. No matter how well I'm doing or how many pounds I shed, my brain keeps saying, "You're fat." I guess that's not surprising, given that weight has been a life long struggle for me, since I was a child and throughout every stage of my life.

Right now, I'm down a full size and can wear size 18. But I just don't see the difference. I can sit in airline seats, but I always have to let out the seatbelt, so I get a cue that I'm fat. I feel real anger towards celebrities; they have tons of money and attention and approval just because they are thin and naturally beautiful.

The numbers on the scale when I weigh in are a secret numerical code for "overweight". The reflection in the mirror shocks me; I avert my eyes when I brush my teeth or comb my hair, and I never look in the full length mirror to check my clothes. It's fair to say that I judge myself harshly on my weight and size. I have no idea how to cut that out. If you do, I welcome your suggestions.

[louise]

I don't have much time today but I can say that in general I'm more accepting of myself, or at least less thrown by things. I used to fight with my hair - very fine and willful - you know the random piece that would flip up. When I used to blow it straight it looked great but humidity was my enemy. I tried to do various curly styles but my hair wasn't curly enough for those and not straight enough for the others. Guess what - my hair is wonderful now. I have never been so happy with it and I occasionally get stopped in the street (by another woman of a certain age)for a random compliment. I don't think it's my hair that changed, I just made peace with it.

[lee058]

Hi again everybody. Sorry to be so late commenting, but it's been a busy, busy day --- although positive!! DS and I have started looking more into finding ways for him to get to and from work if I need to get surgery and can't drive him. Today, we made a good contact and found out some information that might lead to a solution. Things are still up in the air, but it gives me hope to think that this may be the answer to his need for transportation. We'll see what happens!

As for today's topic: One trait in myself about which my attitude has changed is that I used to pride myself on being confrontational, and now I'm not like that any more. Of course, I didn't call it being confrontational when I was into it. I was being "honest" and "open" and "speaking my mind" and various other more positive spins on being a pain in the ass to anyone who disagreed with me (!!!). I can laugh at myself now that I don't take myself so seriously. I really thought that all I had to do to change the world was to tell other people what they were doing wrong and that they should change. Now, I can disagree with people, even about politics, religion, and social issues, without being so self-righteous. I still speak up for what I think is right and try to take whatever actions I can manage. The difference is that now I listen better than I used to, and accept that other people can disagree with me without necessarily being terrible people. I try to look at more aspects of a situation than I used to. Part of this was just from growing up, and part of this was by deliberate choice.

If I think of more to say, I'll be back later. In the meantime, thank you everyone for commenting! Have a peaceful evening, Lee

[louise]

That need to be right was an issue for me too. I'm much more open now.

[peachymom1]

Happy birthday, Holly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And many, many more!

Frieda, I have to say something about your statement regarding celebrities, that you feel real anger towards celebrities; they have tons of money and attention and approval just because they are thin and naturally beautiful.

I think a lot of that is just marketing. I don't think celebrities feel any better or worse about themselves than anyone else, or maybe worse, just because they're under constant scrutiny. And while some celebrities are truly talented, hard-working people, some are just lucky, and some just coast on their looks, their family or their family's money. And yeah, celebrities get a lot of money, attention and approval, but so what? Attention and approval from whom? A lot of people they don't know, who can change their minds and follow the next new face just as easily. Who needs that? I'd rather gain the attention and approval of people I know and respect, whose opinions mean something to me, people I know will be there for me when I need them. And how long does fame last? Not that long for that many. For every star with a long career, there are a zillion who were just a flash in the pan. And celebrities don't always know how to manage their money either, plus they have to spend an awful lot on upkeep just to maintain their image. That's a lot of work, a lot of time, a lot of effort and a lot of money, just to be famous. Pfft!

Let's see, what have I changed over time...well, I don't care so much about people's opinions of me anymore. I was raised to be nice to everyone and that if someone didn't like me, it was my own fault, because I wasn't nice enough. What a load of horse poop! I learned in my 20s, to my very great surprise, that some people are just not going to like me for whatever reason, fair or unfair, justified or not, and that it was not my problem. My standards of behavior rest on three things: honor, kindness and gratitude. If people don't like me, I'm not going to change my standards. I'm just going to dismiss them and move on. There are lots of other people in the world I can make friends with. Who needs some sourpuss who judges me without even knowing me? Pfft!