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Post by peachymom1 on Jul 19, 2023 0:18:03 GMT -5
What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.
Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:
Frieda
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy
And for those of you that stop by to read this thread without posting — you are welcome to, but you are also welcome to chime in. Don’t be shy!
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Post by peachymom1 on Jul 19, 2023 0:19:28 GMT -5
Good morning! My son’s wedding is seven months away, and though that might seem like a long time, those family members who will be traveling to attend are already making their flight and hotel reservations. I have only one nephew, who is married and recently bought a house. Money is tight for them now (since they bought the house), so I’m paying for their flights to San Diego for the wedding, and DN’s parents (my sister and BIL) are paying for their hotel room. One of our other sisters expressed disapproval about this; she feels that our nephew and his wife would be able to afford the travel expenses themselves if they were more responsible with money, and she doesn’t think we should “enable” them by paying their way. My response was that this is a family simcha, we all want them to attend, and we don’t mind the expense. The disapproving sister didn’t come off it until I added that if I were in DN’s place, I would appreciate it very much if my family stepped up and helped make it possible for me to attend such an important family event.
What’s your take? Are we being too indulgent by helping my nephew and his wife? What would you do in my place? My son is thrilled that his only cousin is coming to the wedding; they haven’t seen each other since DD’s wedding over five years ago, so it will be a lot of fun for them.
Opinions?
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lee058
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Post by lee058 on Jul 19, 2023 5:22:38 GMT -5
Good morning everybody. Hope you are all well and SAFE!
Re today's topic: I think it is very nice that the family is pitching in to help your nephew and his wife attend the wedding.
Have a peaceful day, Lee
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Post by hollygail on Jul 19, 2023 6:33:10 GMT -5
It seems like there's always one in every crowd... Whatever happened to minding one's own business? Who does she think she is? or, Who is she to pass judgment on what other members of her extended family choose to spend their money on, or even just plain do?
It's your business what you choose to do with your money and it's your other sister's business about how she spends her money and it's none of this other sister's business to chime in at all, let alone make a tsimmes out of the situation. If money is tight for your nephew and his wife, and you and his parents are going to chip in to help them, I applaud so much family support for the next generation.
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brgmsn
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Post by brgmsn on Jul 19, 2023 9:24:44 GMT -5
I agree with Holly. What you choose to do is none of anyone else's business. Period. End of sentence.
I'd also rethink telling people about things like that, knowing how they may react. It's between you and your nephew (and his parents).
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Post by gazelle18 on Jul 19, 2023 10:20:52 GMT -5
First off, I think that you and your sister are paying hotel/air expenses for your DN to come to a family simcha is lovely. It is not only a generous gift to your DN; it will also add to the joy of the occasion for your family, especially your son and his intended. But EVEN IF I thought it was a bad idea, I’d keep my mouth shut. This is no one else’s business, and your complaining sister should have kept her thoughts to herself.
I actually have a LOT of thoughts about families enabling adult children, because this issue has come up in my life. But the bottom line is that every family, every recipient, and every circumstance is unique, and it’s no one else’s concern.
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Post by louise on Jul 19, 2023 10:29:52 GMT -5
I think it's lovely and generous for you and your sister to pay for their trip so you can all be together for the simcha. I think the other sister probably has judgements on other things people do as well. Her problem. Also if she spends her energy grousing she is less likely to enjoy the wedding herself!
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Post by peachymom1 on Jul 19, 2023 10:55:27 GMT -5
Thank you all for your input and reality check! We really did just want to help our nephew and his wife, and they are appreciative. I didn't tell Negative Nellie about our helping DN and his wife; it was DN himself who mentioned it to her. They live in the same area and occasionally have dinner together. I've already had a chat with my nephew about monitoring what he shares with this sister; as Louise astutely mentioned, this sister does have issues with judging other people, especially when it comes to money. She and I have butted heads about it before, and I have no problem telling her to back off and shut up already!
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