jewfish Musings, Sunday August 6

[louise]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:
Frieda
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

[louise]

I just got to read the last posts from Friday - so good to have a cheery post from you Frieda (but all posts are welcome, not just cheery ones of course). Yasher koach on another .8 lbs, Peachy!

I feel a little bit in the twilight zone. My SIL can be a little tricky and while she goes out of her way to be solicitous (very sensitive to my food issues via kashruth and IF) sometimes I feel a little gaslighted or that she has a tinge of mean. We went for a walk/hike today. I can't ride a bike, their favorite and most comfortable thing, which they knew, so we walked. I stipulated that I was a good albeit slow walker but wanted flat ground. We went to a state park that had waterfalls and she warned me there were staircases to the falls but also that I could just go as far up as I wanted. While we did that I have to say that even when we weren't walking stairs there were hills to climb up and down throughout. Maybe they are so used to it and so much fitter than I am they didn't realize it. But sometimes she just pressed on ahead without considering me and sometimes I saw an easier (less steep) way, or no one turned around to see how I was doing. Probably being oversensitive but so different from my synagogue group on our Israel trip!

As it happens I have a history of clashes with my SIL (I am not alone in this). I feel we have grown beyond that into a nice relationship so maybe it's scar tissue from the old days that gives me the slightly off feelings I am picking up. Ever get stuck a little in old grooves or become a little oversensitive like that? Btw a few years ago she was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes which she struggles with majorly. It is insidious and difficult to manage. I understand when her numbers go way high or low it causes mood swings. We all try to work with her.

They are in bed now but all evening I heard a kind of chirping sound in the background which I asked about several times. They don't hear anything. To me it sounds like a smoke alarm with a low battery warning. I'm sure I will stop hearing it and fall asleep later. A little strange.

Tomorrow (Sunday) we will go to my nephew's and I am going home from there.

Looking forward to your stories/comments about sometimes tricky family relationships!

btw - failed miserably this morning in my attempt to ride a bike! My brother tried to teach me (supposedly you never forget) but I was too terrified. At one point a woman in a car stopped to cheer me on. Turns out she is some kind of wellness coach and she got out of the car to try and assist. She applied some special essential oil to my wrists and had me repeat an affirmation. I went along with it but, no, it didn't help! Sunday I will try again on my great niece's smaller bike. Maybe being closer to the ground will make it less terrifying. Dunno

[hollygail]

I think I shy away from family drama. Or at least I've pretty much attempted to avoid it most of my life. If I'm right about something and I know it, and someone (or people) around me doesn't believe me, that's not my problem. I know what I know. I learned a very long time ago that it's just not worth my time or energy to argue with someone whose mind is closed.

My late DSIL was used to being the ballabusta and therefore in charge of everything she surveyed. When it was just the two of us alone together, she was a lovely woman; I liked her a lot and we got along great. However, in any kind of group situation, she was a different person. So I just avoided dealing with her in group situations. I sometimes just plain kept my mouth shut (unless she was speaking directly to me, that is) and didn't get involved in her stuff with anyone else, often suppressing my instinct to come to someone else's aid. DH's cousins don't live near here so we never see them any longer either. As for my own cousins, the ones who live in California and I are good friends who see each other when we can and we get along very well. And the cousins who don't live in California? We aren't close and don't see each other so there's no problem. My male cousin who lives in the San Francisco area was in San Diego with his partner (whom I'd heard about but not met yet). She's lovely. We got along very very well. Apparently she was impressed with me too, according to what DSFC told me afterwards.

The only real family drama in my life is the one I remember having told all of you about in the past. When one aunt died, her daughter (very close to me in age; while growing up we lived about 1/2 mile apart and she and I were more like sisters) attacked me, accusing me of some terrible things. Without getting "defensive," I defended myself well (she backed down) and I realized that anyone who could even consider I'd do what she'd accused me of having done was not someone I needed in my life. I haven't spoken to her since. Luckily, we haven't been in the same room more than a few times since then, so it's been easy for me to ignore her (I even blocked her email address). She's aware of my ignoring of her. On one occasion, her husband (whom I've known since we were all teenagers) came up to me, smiling. I smiled back and we hugged. It was lovely. And he was smart enough not to ask me why I wasn't speaking with his wife. She had to have seen our interaction. That must have happened something like 20ish years ago. She hasn't made any overtures to me since (they live on the east coast, maybe in Virginia?).

[lee058]

Good morning everybody. Hope you are all well and SAFE.

Re today's topic: I don't want to talk about family hassles because I am in a good mood.

Have a peaceful day, Lee

[gazelle18]

Oy. Families wouldn’t be families without a certain amount of drama. Mine has certainly seen its share. For the most part, I try to do what Holly does; I stay quiet and avoid certain relatives altogether.

I recently had an experience relevant to Louise’s incident. DH and I are both reasonably fit, and walk well for people our age. We intend to go back to the mountains next summer, and have considered extending an invitation for some friends to join us for a few days. Neither of them walks that well, and one member of the couple actually uses a cane. So there are MANY walks and bikes that just wouldn’t work for them. One day, DH and I decided to “test walk” a trail we vaguely remembered as being rather flat and easily walkable. As we got going, we viewed this walk as if we were our friends. It quickly became obvious that the trail was not as flat and easy as we remembered.

[peachymom1]

My dad had one living brother, whom I saw a handful of times throughout my life, so I didn't know him well. He got married late, and I met his wife and son exactly twice. So I don't have any drama with them. My mom had two brothers; I met them and their wives just once, at my sister's wedding in 2006. The older brother had no children; the younger one had three, but I've never met them. So no family drama there either, thank God. I didn't know my maternal grandparents, and barely knew my paternal ones, so no meshugas there either. Phew!

To borrow a line from "Fiddler on the Roof," may the Lord bless and keep my in-laws -- far away from me. Forever. Preferably on a another planet, just to be sure. Or better yet, another galaxy.

My sisters and I occasionally have a misunderstanding, but we talk about it and get past it without sweeping it under the rug or being horrible to each other. One of them requires a little more patience than the others, but she's worth it. Since I've never had loving extended family relationships, I'm grateful to have my sisters, and I'm willing to work on problems that come up.

Speaking of families, I went to the bowling alley with DH this morning. He has a bowling night with his coworkers coming up, and he wanted to practice. I can't bowl anymore (carpal tunnel syndrome flares up), but I went to keep him company and observe his form so I could offer suggestions. There was a family there with three little kids who were bowling for the first time. It was absolutely hilarious to watch them, and it brought back all the memories of our kids going to bumper-bowling birthday parties when they were growing up. Very entertaining!

[peachymom1]

I should add that my sisters' husbands don't belong in the group of in-laws who should live on another planet, just DH's family. My sisters' husbands are wonderful, each with a big heart and a great sense or humor. They can stay! :+)