Jewish Musings, Thursday, September 28, 2023

[peachymom1]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:

Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

And for those of you that stop by to read this thread without posting — you are welcome to, but you are also welcome to chime in. Don’t be shy!

[peachymom1]

Good morning! I recently learned a couple of things about myself that I didn’t expect, that I’d like to share with you.

I was summoned for jury duty a couple of weeks ago, to the courthouse in downtown Los Angeles, which is just under 20 miles from me, as the crow flies. Rather than dealing with ridiculous rush hour traffic or trying to find the right parking lot for jurors, I decided to take public transportation, even though the system has changed drastically since I last relied on buses to get to college and to work. I looked at the metro website ahead of time, borrowed something called a tap card from DS32 (apparently they don’t take money anymore), and planned my adventure.

The easiest way was to take an express bus called the Orange Line and transfer to a train called the Red Line, which would drop me off right across the street from the courthouse. The bus and train were timely and efficient, but going from one to the other was confusing for a newbie, and when I got off the train, I got myself turned around and couldn’t find the courthouse. But no matter – I’d anticipated this and left home an hour early in case I got lost or faced any mishaps just like those. I had no problem asking complete strangers to help me, which they did, bless them, and I still got there early, so I felt quite proud of myself.

So the first thing I learned about myself is that even when I’m scared of doing something I don’t want to do, I can still do it, even if I make mistakes, get lost, have to ask for help, and feel dumb. As long as I don’t give up, I’ll work it out eventually.

The other thing was about the jury selection process. It was a civil lawsuit about a car crash. Even with the minimal information the attorneys and judge gave us, I knew I would not make a good juror for this case, because (a) I’ve been in a similar situation where I was the one who was hurt, and I successfully sued the driver who hit me; (b) I had a strong opinion about who was guilty even without hearing or seeing all the evidence; and (c) the plaintiff was an alcoholic, and since I grew up with one, I’m not sure I can set aside my own bias and be open-minded.

The attorneys asked me a number of questions about these things, and I was surprised by how emotional I got in answering them. I was close to tears when I blurted out that no, I didn’t think I could be impartial toward the plaintiff (the alcoholic), because I grew up with one who was a monster and a pedophile. (Yes, I actually said that in front of everyone, God help me.) Then I squeaked out that this made me feel like I was a terrible person, because fairness is very important to me, and I hate the idea that I can’t be fair to someone. The attorneys and the judge all chimed in at the same time to reassure me that I was not a terrible person, and the attorney questioning me thanked me for my honesty. I felt shaky the rest of the afternoon, but I paid attention to the rest of the jurors’ questioning, which I found very interesting. I was sure they would tell me then, that first day, that I was excused, but no, we all had to come back on the second day, and then I was in the first round of people who were excused from jury duty. I only got lost once on the way home, got home in time for lunch, then decided I needed a treat, so I went and had not only a manicure and pedicure, but I paid for a ten-minute shoulder massage as well.

When do you learn things about yourself? Is it when new things come up, like jury duty for me? I’ve never actually served on a jury and have only been through jury selection once before, before being excused. Or is it maybe when you get good news or bad news? Or when relationships change? Is there a time you’d like to share with us when you learned something important about yourself? I’ve worked through all the stuff with my alcoholic stepfather and my parents, but this was an unexpected trigger.

How about you? Any stories to share? Or any good jury duty stories in general? Or about taking public transportation? Or anything else on your mind?

[lee058]

Good morning everybody. Hope you are all well and SAFE!

Re today's topic: Peachy, thanks for sharing your story! Good for you for doing things that you found difficult but needed to do!!

I guess what's on my mind is how easy it can be to fall back into unhealthy habits (physical and emotional). Even with the HHD just over, I have found myself slipping into some negative thoughts and speech towards those I love. I don't like to find this in myself. What I do is to do my best to catch myself as soon as possible, and then stop it. This can be easier said than done, but I think it's necessary to my own peace of mind, as well as harmonious living with my family.

Any comments on how to do this?

Have a peaceful day, Lee

[gazelle18]

I recently learned something about myself. It was over the summer, and DH went for his yearly 4 day stint at the Jewish sleep away camp our kids went to, and which our local grandkids go to. He is the camp doctor for those 4 days. I’m allowed to go with him, but it is boring. I’m not allowed to “hang out” with my grandkids, so there is not much for the spouse of the doctor to do. So, I stayed home. I was therefore by myself for 4 days. My DD was out of town, and I didn’t have any real plans for those days. I looked forward to loafing, watching movies, reading, etc.

Well, instead of all that, I ended getting very lonely and very depressed. I got through it, of course, but I was not a happy person for that stretch of time. What I learned is that I am quite dependent on DH for company, that I don’t like to be alone for long stretches of time, and that I need to plan better for future times of not having DH around me.

Thanks for the reminder, Peachy

[louise]

Well Peachy it sounds to me like you planned well for things that could be problematic. I tried not to freak out in the airport in Istanbul but it's that thing where/when you don't where you are, how it works, or what to do. I just pushed through it but maybe not always as cool as I would like to be! Years ago I remember going through the airport in Tokyo, also alone and quasi freaked out, and I just chanted to myself "Adonai li, v'lo ira" over and over. This is something I still do. Which reminds me, a friend and I made an ark curtain for the ark we have in our social hall (we use that room for services over the summer because it has A/C). The rabbi said it should have "words" on it and I could choose. That is the verse now on our ark curtain. For those that do not recognize these words they comprise the closing line of Adon Olam and it means "Adonai is with me, I shall not fear."