Jewish musings, Mon., Nov. 20

[gazelle18]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.


Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:


Frieda (hopefully)?
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy




And for those of you that stop by to read this thread without posting — you are welcome to, but you are also welcome to chime in. Don’t be shy!

[gazelle18]

Hi everyone,
In honor of Thanksgiving week, I want to spend some time talking about things and people for which we are thankful. As Jews, we really done NEED Thanksgiving Day; we have prayers and holidays all through the year in which we thank God for our multitudes of blessings. But there is nothing un- Jewish about Thanksgiving, so here goes:

For today, please name someone in your past or present life - someone who is NOT a family member - for whom you are grateful. It could be a friend, a mentor, a teacher, a co-worker, etc., etc. Tell us why you are thankful that person is or was in your life. Just pick one person, and it doesn’t have to be the most important one, just someone for whom you are grateful.

I am blessed to have had a lawyer/boss early in my career who taught me a lot about how to practice law. I didn’t love all of the things he did ; I’m fact, I learned by watching him more than a few things which were negative lessons. But the majority of the lessons I learned were positive ones : how to talk to clients, how to question witnesses, and how to relate to other lawyers. This guy hired me when I needed a job a long time ago, and he ended up being one of my most important mentors. I will always be grateful to him.

What about you?

[hollygail]

I wrote these few sentences yesterday, but apparently didn't hit "post" until a few moments ago...
Louise, anything that starts with Chocolate Oblivion is something I need to know more about... Recipe please? And while you're at it (you can do all of this after Thanksgiving, BTW), how about your recipes for whatever kugels you love?

Today's post:
As for one person I'm thankful for in my life, you'll need just a little background... Once upon a time, there was a principal for whom I worked. I had already taught her older son before his bar mitzvah, and I was either about to or had just finished teaching her younger son for his when she was diagnosed with an inoperable non-malignant brain tumor. I had noticed a few things about her that worried me. She seemed like her usual self most of the time, but here and there I saw signs of her decline, like she made the kinds of mistakes she had never made before her diagnosis. I thought her days of being principal were numbered. I asked her husband (someone I knew pretty well) and he hadn't noticed anything particularly different. I asked some of the other teachers who hadn't either. I asked one or two other people; I was the only one who had. I went to the rabbi with my concerns. And one day, the rabbi said something in jest to me about my becoming the next principal. I just smiled. But apparently it had been overheard by someone who went to someone else with her own concern that the rabbi and I were plotting to get rid of the current principal. The rumor spread. When I heard about it, I was at a loss as to how to respond, how to deal with it. The rumors cast my rabbi into a worse light than how I was seen. I went into a deep funk. I had trouble sitting in services on Friday nights, and would get up to go into the kitchen just to get away. I just sank lower and lower into a bad place.

I talked to numerous people outside my congregation (who knew none of the players other than me) about it. No one said had anything to say that helped me. Eventually, I went to one rabbi I knew from other activities; Rabbi X was not from my movement but knew my rabbi from various San Diego rabbinic gatherings. I had purposely not gone to Rabbi X because he knew my rabbi. He listened without interrupting me. At one point, I paused and he said, very simply, "Holly, are you asking me for advice?" (Just asking him for advice had not occurred to me.) I looked into his eyes and said, simple, "Yes." He told me to go to everyone I knew (who'd heard the rumors), including to the principal, and apologize. And then he shut up. I said, "That's all?" and he said, just as simply, "Yes."

I did. I went to each person in my women's chavurah (we were pretty close) to apologize. I went to the principal (who understood right away, and was perhaps the most supportive of me while I we were having this talk). I went to other people who'd heard the rumor. And I was amazed by how everyone heard me, understood what I was saying, and accepted my apology. There was even one woman who cried along with me; apparently she had been in a similar situation (people spreading a rumor about her) so she understood on a personal level what I'd been going through because she too had been going through something close to what I'd experienced. And there was one person who said no, she didn't believe me, and to this day she and I are still close friends.

I realized Rabbi X knew a great deal about life. I will never forget what he did for me; among other things, I was able to return to services without the heavy feelings hanging over me. I have been and will remain forever grateful for him and his advice. He doesn't live in San Diego any longer, and he and I are still (at least sometimes) in touch.

[louise]

My it's the same as naming a family member but I would have to say my therapist. Especially in the recent past when I lost my mother and my BFF at the same time I was very grateful to still have him! (even though I still want to jump his bones).

[peachymom1]

I had a teacher in high school who was very big on talking about identity. I had no idea what she meant at first, but over time, it started to sink in. She also gave us big buttons to wear that said, "I Am Lovable And Capable." Because of her, I came to realize that I could decide who I wanted to be, and that it was worth it to struggle to figure out who that person would be.

This teacher was a little lady who preferred to sit on the edge of her desk to teach, so she could look into our faces and listen to us. She was in her sixties when I was in her class, and she insisted that we call her by her first name. If we didn't, she'd call us Mr./Ms. LastName, which felt even weirder!