Jewish Musings, Monday Nov 27

[louise]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:
Frieda (hopefully)?
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

And for those of you that stop by to read this thread without posting — you are welcome to, but you are also welcome to chime in. Don’t be shy!

[louise]

Well Sunday was loaded – especially Peachy and me. Unfortunately I’m still not exactly “right” yet. I’m still feeling freaked out about the close call and all the much worse endings that could have happened. There’s nothing for me in that direction but I guess I do need to allow myself some time to recover. Never did tell my family happened. Would like to bench gomeil but I think that can’t happen until shabbat – will check with my rabbi if it needs to be when the torah is out. Not quite ready to get back to normal (by which I mean something sane and stable) with food and exercise. Figuring out a reasonable expectation for today (Monday).

Peachy I have to hand it to you – I admire your resiliency! Maybe resiliency is a good topic for today.

I came across an article that identifies four key components of resilience: 
competence, confidence, connection, and contribution. Competence refers to the skills and knowledge that enable you to handle different situations. Confidence is the belief in your own abilities and worth.

I’m going to put my mind to this today. Would enjoy hearing your thoughts.

[peachymom1]

Louise, I do think we need to allow ourselves time to recover when things like this happen. My eating wasn't too terrible while I was in Denver, but it wasn't the best either. Since I got home on Friday, I've made some poor choices and am having trouble getting back on track. I'm going to try starting over tomorrow, even though my WI day was Friday (I didn't bother with it this week, since I already felt overstressed - not a great choice either).

I do need to think about these four key components of resilience. I think connection is the hard one for me, in the sense that I sometimes don't feel connected to people when things go sideways, or I lose some connection to my community, which is a lifelong issue for me. I think it will help to clear the air with the ritual director, who is almost certain to call me tomorrow (Monday). If he doesn't call me by the end of my workday, I'll call him. I know I'm reading Vayishlach this Shabbat, and Vayigash later in December. After that, I think I will take a break from Torah reading for a time. We are a large congregation, and I agree with whoever wrote yesterday that others should be doing more of it. It used to be that there was a bar or bat mitzvah almost every Shabbat (often two of them), and the kids did all the Torah reading. We have a lot fewer b'nei mitzvah these days, and the kids who do become b'nei mitzvah don't do as much as they used to. We (well, someone, not me) need to come up with a better strategy to cover the Torah readings, other than having a small cadre of readers who do a lot of it. Maybe I'm just burning out on it, and I don't like that idea at all.

I did do a lot of loafing this weekend, and that has helped. I meant to call some friends I haven't talked to in a while, but I didn't. And I really should have called all three of my sisters instead of just the one I'm closest to, but I didn't do that either. My sons are turning 33 in a week, so I'm turning my attention to that. Tomorrow will be a busy work day, and I'm glad of that, because that will occupy my mind and my time, and I hope being useful and helpful to my team will help me feel better. I'm also thinking of taking Friday off just for the heck of it.

I'll be back in the morning. I hope everyone is sleeping well -- I'm off to study my Torah readings once more before bed. Night night!

[hollygail]

peachymom1, Let me tell you about one Conservative shul I know about here in San Diego. There is a man (who is not the Ritual Director) who's in charge of finding Torah readers. He obviously has a list of names (mine is one). I get an email from him approximately every 6 to 8 weeks (I'm not the only addressee). It lists a minimum of four upcoming dates and asks us who's available on those dates. When he receives a positive response, he then assigns the person an aliyah. I've taken the liberty of asking whether aliyah #[whichever one I'd prefer] is available. Often, it is and he assigns it to me. The dates he write are never in the current month; sometimes they start in the upcoming month and sometimes go into the following month, so everyone has at least 4 weeks to learn one aliyah.

There's another Conservative shul (the one where I attend morning minyan) where the woman (also not the Ritual Director) in charge of finding Torah readers sends an email about the upcoming month (so sometimes notice is one week). Her list of addressees is shorter than the man's in the previous paragraph (and, not surprisingly, the membership is lower than in the first one's congregation). I used to sign up for haftarot more often than aliyot since they're easier to chant (look at the haftarah a few times and read it from the book or your study sheet; easy peasy). However, I'm not fond of the way the rabbi leads Shabbat morning services and have stopped volunteering for anything (actually, I've stopped attending Shabbat morning services at this congregation except for when he's absent).

For anyone interested in resilience, I found this article from the American Psychological Association: www.apa.org/topics/resilience/building-your-resilience#:~:text=Like%20building%20a%20muscle%2C%20increasing,from%20difficult%20and%20traumatic%20experiences.
Here's the title and subtitle:
Building your resilience
We all face trauma, adversity, and other stresses. Here’s a roadmap for adapting to life-changing situations, and emerging even stronger than before.

There are additional articles on the topic, several of which either quote or mention the one above.

As for me, I think I'm fairly resilient. I rarely go to pieces. I think about the situation and figure out at least one rational way to move forward. I'm not saying I always choose the best alternative, only that I find at least one rational possibility...

I'll BBL to read everyone else's comments to learn more about this topic.

[brgmsn]

I think I mentioned this before louise,--I was Ritual and Choir chair at my previous synagogue for years. My role was to coordinate everyone to do their job, NOT do it myself. I found volunteer for all the things you do yourself. I also found it was a fabulous way to draw new folks into the synagogue--give them one task that was not overwhelming to them, have them be successful, and to be ready for more. It was great for new members or members who still wanted to do something but not be as involved as previously.
I also used to eat my feelings, till I realized it didn't change my feelings. Helped with nothing but made me feel worse. So I stopped doing something that wasn't working for me.

[gazelle18]

I’m certainly not a mental health expert, but it seems to me that if a person undergoes a traumatic experience (and I consider Louise’s near car disaster such an experience) she needs to deal with it in a conscious and healthy way. You can’t get to “healed” without going thru the process of healing. Maybe a session with your therapist would help, Louise?

[lee058]

Good morning everybody. Hope you are all well and SAFE! Please pray for Israel.

Re today's topic: Resilience!! This is SO important, especially when going through turbulent times. I find that sometimes I may not have much confidence in my ability to rebound, but I TRY, and that makes all the difference. Medication and years of therapy have helped me tremendously. I also find that being willing to try new plans if the one(s) I tried at first didn't work is essential.

When I just can't do something, I wait until I feel able to do a part of it, if possible, or something new if necessary.

My DS is a wonder. Whenever I am having trouble, he says, "Confidence! You can do it! Think of Rosie the Riveter." He is a blessing and a great joy to me. I, of course, do my best to help him out when he needs it, too.

I am grateful for all those in my life who give me a hand when necessary, and I try to help others when I can.

Have a peaceful day, Lee