Jewish Musings, Friday/Shabbat December 1

[louise]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:
Frieda (hopefully)?
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

And for those of you that stop by to read this thread without posting — you are welcome to, but you are also welcome to chime in. Don’t be shy!

[louise]

More from the Times this week. I really liked this (from the Well column):

“…What do you do when a kid is emotionally overwhelmed?” I asked. Many teachers at her school, she told me, ask students a simple question: Do you want to be helped, heard or hugged? The choice gives children a sense of control, which is important when they’re following school rules all day, Heather said. “And all kids handle their emotions differently,” she explained. “Some need a box of tissues, or they want to talk about a problem on the bus, and I’ll just listen.”

She went on to broaden the application to our adult relationships:

“Each option — an embrace, thoughtful but solicited advice or an empathetic ear — has the power to comfort and calm. Receiving a hug from your partner increases levels of oxytocin, the bonding hormone, and helps dial down stress. There’s evidence that being heard, known as “high-quality listening,” can reduce defensiveness during difficult and intimate conversations. And some research suggests that couples who give each other supportive advice have higher relationship satisfaction.”

I remember when my mother used to complain to my father about something that had happened at work and he would tell her she didn’t have to work. That response added insult to injury. Not only did she have a grievance but her job wasn’t worthwhile. What she needed was the opportunity to vent and to have someone sympathize with her. I don’t know if would ever actually ask someone the question about what they want but I could look for the signs, just be sensitive to the fact that people have different needs when they are upset

Thought this was as good a note as any to say Shabbat Shalom on.
Thank you all for your responses this week.

I was hoping we would hear from Frieda about her Thanksgiving. If she was feeling well enough you can be sure she was cooking somewhere!

[lee058]

Good morning everybody. Hope you are all well and SAFE! Please pray for Israel.

Re today's topic: louise, I liked the descriptions of what people need. Thanks for this week.

Have a peaceful day, Lee

[hollygail]

Louise, if possible, would you please give us the URL to that article? I'd like to read more of it. I teach, and am going to a teacher's meeting next week. I teach the oldest kids (pre-b. mitzvah) so the other teachers have younger kids. I really like the idea of offering a child a choice instead of just handling the situation the way I may see it. I remember two incidences in my life where the teacher said the wrong thing and I didn't respond, so I don't want to be the one who says the wrong thing for a student who may not know how to respond to me either.

Gut shabbes / Shabbat shalom, all.

[peachymom1]

First, thank you, Louise, for a great week.

"Do you want to be helped, heard or hugged?" I'm going to adopt this mantra. It's wonderful. I think I'll use it with adults too, and not just my kids.

It's clear and windy here, but chilly. I'm ready to read Torah tomorrow, and yes, the ritual director called me again to remind me and make sure we were on the same page.

Everyone have a great weekend. Shabbat shalom!