Jewish Musings, Sunday, December 3, 2023

[peachymom1]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:

Frieda (hopefully)?
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

And for those of you that stop by to read this thread without posting — you are welcome to, but you are also welcome to chime in. Don’t be shy!

[peachymom1]

Good morning and shavua tov! Today my sons are 33 years old. The mind boggles!

Yesterday I chanted the first four aliyot of Vayishlach, which we chose for our sons’ b’nei mitzvah 20 years ago because of the reconciliation of Jacob and Esau. We have tried to teach our children the importance of getting along with family and reconciling when big issues come up. They have seen for themselves that it isn’t always possible, and that is a sad state. But they also know that respecting oneself and creating boundaries with family is also important. It’s too bad it took Jacob and Esau until they were 60 years old to make up, but at least they finally did. Jacob in particular had a lot of learning and growing to do, and in my opinion, Esau is the hero of the story.

Recently, each of our sons approached us with a discussion topic we were not expecting. The one who still lives with us told us he’s planning to move out soon, as soon as his buddy and he find an apartment. This buddy is a man of good character; they’ve been friends since college, they’ve collaborated successfully on a few work projects together, and I think they will be compatible roommates. DS33 has mapped out his finances, how he’ll get to work, etc., and it looks like this will be a good situation for him.

DS33 has been a joy to have at home, and it will be an adjustment when he leaves us. Not only will we have an empty nest, we’ll have to take over DS33’s household chores and adjust to having one fewer pair of hands to help with stuff. I know he was never mine to keep, but I will miss him. I’m happy for him and a little sad for me.

What’s your advice for soon-to-be empty nesters? Do you remember any unexpected feelings or aftereffects when kids left home? Who’s got stories? If you haven’t dealt with an empty nest yourself, can you share what you’ve observed about other families and friends who have?

[lee058]

Good morning everybody. Hope you are all well and SAFE! Please pray for Israel.

Re today's topic: peachymom1, Congrats to you and your family. Here's wishing you all many happy times.

Re "empty nesting": I dread the day that DS says that he wants to move out, to be honest. He does so much around the house and in helping me run errands, that I don't know how I would manage. He's 30 now, so eventually I'm sure he will want to be more independent. Yet it would be very, very difficult for me. Anyway, I want him to be happy, so I will go along with whatever he wants to do.

Have a peaceful day, Lee

[louise]

Having no children I have no personal stories about this but what I observe is that you have raised children who have loving relationships with their parents, each other, and others. Kudos to you! The fact that he stayed with you until he is 33 and has a good plan for moving out (and shared it with you)is a success story for both of you. Again, kudos to you. It can't help but promote changes for you. Looking perhaps at a multilayered chapter ending and another beginning with just you and DH. But I know you and your kids well enough to know that they aren't leaving you - you will all be in touch and involved. You and DH will find a new balance. I am excited for you.

What was the story your other son had?

[peachymom1]

Thank you both for your kind words! I know this is an inevitable change, and I have to be grateful to have kept one kid at home this long. It was especially great to have DS33 at home after surgery (three times in two years).

Louise, tomorrow I'll tell you all about the other son. :+)

[brgmsn]

I must say I adore my kids being out of the house. I was a mom to them hands on for all those years and now it's time they're on their own. I always knew that was my job--to teach them how to be on their own and be successful at it, and I was.
My mother always said when we visited--"Thank you for coming and thank you for going"--and that's how I feel at this point. I love when we're all together and we're a very close group, but I'm happy to get back to the quiet when they go
That's when Bob and I discovered going to wineries--when they all moved out.

[hollygail]

I became an empty-nester early. DS went to live with his dad around age 14 and didn't come back to live with me until he was in his 20s and wanted some stability for a few months. I have no advice for you, Peachy.

I second what others have said about how successful you and your DH have been in raising your three; kol hakavod!