Jewish Musings, Thursday, December 7, 2023

[peachymom1]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:

Frieda (hopefully)?
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

And for those of you that stop by to read this thread without posting — you are welcome to, but you are also welcome to chime in. Don’t be shy!

[peachymom1]

Good morning! Chanukah begins tonight, hooray! Bring on the latkes! I could use some cheery evenings, how about you? We’re waiting until the weekend to exchange gifts, when DS33 isn’t working, but we’ll be lighting candles, singing the blessings and songs, and eating latkes. How are you celebrating this year?

In honor of this delightful holiday, I’ve dug up some Chanukah jokes. Feel free to add your own, the more the merrier!

Which hand is best to light the menorah with?
Neither, it’s best to light it with a candle!

How can you recognize a Hanukkah hippie?
He’s the one with his hair in dreidel-locks!

What’s the best Hanukkah gift for the person who has everything?
A burglar alarm!

What do you call a speck that falls into the latke pan?
An unidentified frying object!

What’s the best thing to put into the sufganiyot?
Your teeth!

What did the candles say when the menorah complained about getting too hot?
Whoa, a talking menorah!

With Hanukkah upon us, how does a Jewish man prepare his tea?
Hebrews it!

Who do penguins celebrate Hanukkah with?
The Icebergs!

What did the waiter say when the customer used if his latkes would be long?
“No sir, they’ll be round!”

What did the loaf of bread say to the other loaf of bread on Hanukkah?
“Happy challah days!”

Why is Hanukkah the most fun holiday for potatoes?
Because they find it so a-peel-ing!

[hollygail]

[groan...]

Chanukah Songs that Never Quite Caught On

• Oy to the World
• Schlepping through a Winter Wonderland
• Hava Negilah — The Megamix
• Bubbie Yetta Got Run Over by a Reindeer
• Enough with those facackennah Jingle Bells Already... Sheez!
• Matzah Man (by the Lower East Side Village People)
• I Have a Little Dreidel (the Barking Dog Version)
• Come on Baby, Light My Chanukiah
• Deck the Halls with Balls of Matzah
• Silent Night? I Should Be So Lucky
- - - - -
And I couldn't resist this one:

It was Hanukkah and the tiny village was in fear of not having any latkes because they had run out of flour.

Rudi, the rabbi, was called upon to help solve the problem. He said, "Don't worry, you can substitute matzo meal for the flour and the latkes will be just as delicious!"

Sheila looked to her husband and said, "Morty...you think it'll work?"

Morty said, "Of course! Everybody knows…Rudolph, the Rav, knows grain, dear!"

[lee058]

Good morning everybody. Hope you are all well and SAFE! Please pray for Israel.

Re today's topic: No comment on the jokes (groan). Happy Chanukah to everyone!!

Have a peaceful day, Lee

[louise]

What does Simba say to celebrate every Hanukkah? “Hanukkah matata!”

A woman goes to the post office to buy 50 Hanukkah stamps for her cards. The cashier asks, “What domination?” The woman replies, “I don’t think it matters, but I guess I’ll take 6 Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.”

The only people left that I used to exchange gifts with were my XBFF and my mom, so no gifts for me. (I still miss them both) The only one I give to any more is my great niece. I left her gifts at the house Thanksgiving. But I do get to decorate my window, lght candles, and eat latkes. Tomorrow night at shul the choir will be singing and latkes will be served Fri & Sat. Still fun.

[gazelle18]

Thanks for the giggles! Happy Hanukkah!