Jewish Musings, Wednesday, December 27

[louise]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:
Frieda (hopefully)?
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

And for those of you that stop by to read this thread without posting — you are welcome to, but you are also welcome to chime in. Don’t be shy!

[louise]

Yesterday’s topic provides a good segue to today’s. Who are we anyway? There are things that I do and that I don’t do and that other category – that I do and don’t really acknowledge. All of this goes into our concept of ourselves. I don’t remember if I mentioned that for several weeks recently the only way I could flush my toilet was by opening the tank and manually moving the flapper. I had it in my head that I didn’t want anyone to come into my apartment because it was messy. I also hate to complain to my landlady having been made to feel at various times that whatever it is was my fault. Turns out it was a simple repair they hired a handyman to do. For the next few days it was such a relief every time I flushed that all I had to do was press the handle down. What I didn’t realize was that it made me feel bad every time I had to do the other and that feeling impacted how I felt about myself. You may find the situation laughable but maybe you have also tolerated something that you later realized you didn’t have to tolerate.

When I do my workout it not only makes me physically better, I become a person who works out. When I eat well it similarly has a physical effect but also, I become a person who eats well, who takes care of myself. Obviously the converse of these things is also true. Right now I have a swirl of things going on. I’m planning the kiddush I am sponsoring next shabbat in honor of my mother’s 2nd yahrzeit and I am learning El Malei so I can chant it for her. I am also sponsoring the flowers this shabbat in her synagogue. So I am a person who does these things. I am also a person that has a brand new computer and I don’t have the nerve to plug it in and transfer the files from my old computer (which is not working properly).

I would like to think that I remain constant but the evidence suggests I do not.

Hoping you will find something relatable in this!

[lee058]

Good morning everybody. Hope you are all well and SAFE! Please pray for Israel.

Re today's topic: louise, This is very interesting, as I have been thinking along similar lines. How does what I do differ from who I am, and how is it the same? Good questions!

The main thing that comes to mind is that I like to think of myself as a kind, considerate person. However, I am capable of snapping at DS and losing my temper. I dislike that very much, and apologize to him as quickly as possible afterwards. He does the same thing. We want to get along all the time, and find it distressing when we don't. Does the latter make us bad people? I don't think so. I think it proves we are human and have faults. What's important is that we try our best to work out our disagreements, and to do so without letting them get worse.

Who am I? I am Lee, a woman, a feminist, a wife, a mother to a wonderful son who happens to have Asperger's, a person who is moderately creative and adaptable, someone who has health problems but who tries to get around them, and who is 65 years old (although that still comes as a surprise when I think about it).

I am and have been a homemaker for many years; I have done a fair amount of volunteer work although not recently; I used to work as a technical writer; I never really liked working for money as I always seemed to disagree with fellow workers (about smoking, politics, and other reasons). I am an early riser, although that has changed since I was younger. I love staying up late to watch movies, but these days I tend to fall asleep, sometimes even with my glasses on.

I used to have long hair down to my waist, and was very attached to it. Now it is a few inches below my shoulders. I basically got tired of taking care of it, plus it was too hot in the summer. I keep my fingernails short, and don't wear nail polish (I'm allergic). For the same reason, I don't wear makeup, besides the fact that I feel uncomfortable "disguising" myself.

I love most colors. I wear plain black pants with a variety of multi-colored t-shirts, every day. My house is decorated with lots of art and crafts, all different shapes, sizes and colors. I take real pleasure in having beautiful things around me.

Yet none of these are ME. I am Jewish and it is very important to me. I have read about other religions and philosophies, and that has given me a more expansive outlook. When I was in college, I wanted to be a philosophy major, but decided it would be more practical to major in communications and take a lot of philosophy classes. (I also took a lot of media classes, especially film.)

I like being myself. I think I am a nice person, generally speaking. I wish I were thinner and healthier, but I am someone who is working on these. I feel proud of myself that I can speak up to DH without losing my temper or being sarcastic. This has been hard since I am financially and physically dependent. However, I am trying to be more true to myself.

There's lots more I could say, but I will leave what I wrote for now. I feel comfortable sharing with you, my friends. It's been a long journey.

Have a peaceful day, Lee

[hollygail]

I've done a lot of things in my life, both as far as "career" was/is concerned and outside of earning a living. I took belly dance lessons when I was 30; I never considered myself a belly dancer. I took ballet lessons with DS when he saw a class for moms and kids (he was somewhere around 6, and dropped out before the sessions we'd paid for ended; yes, he was the only boy in the room) but never considered myself a ballet dancer. I've learned to play quite a few different musical instruments and never considered myself a "musician" (I sometimes say I'm a classically-trained musician). I crochet but don't consider myself a crafts person. I've donated money to organizations I support but never considered myself a philanthropist. I did consider myself a systems analyst when that was my job, and before that the other things I did for a living, but none of those things as a long-term consideration. However, I've been teaching Judaics (and how to read Hebrew) and related things in various capacities since the very early 1990s and feel comfortable saying I'm a teacher.

But just describing myself as a teacher isn't everything. I do so much more than just teach people things they want to learn (or, unfortunately for some people, what they have to learn).

I'm a seeker. I'm a lifelong learner. I'm curious about things I don't know much about (and so occasionally register for classes to learn more about some of those things). I enjoy theater (and attend online readings of plays, mostly ancient Greek plays, although during the first summer of the pandemic, attended several online viewings of Andrew Lloyd Weber's free offerings). I love art and have spent many hours in museums throughout my life; I don't actually create art (although DS absolutely does). I used to write short stories and plays and poetry (and music) but never considered myself a writer (or composer).

I've spent countless hours volunteering for causes I've supported. You've read on this thread that I marched (several times) with the late Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. in Washington, DC. I was on the (volunteer) Speakers Bureau of the Tucson Rape Crisis Center for somewhere around 10 years, speaking about "rape awareness and prevention," visiting Neighborhood Watch groups, women's church groups, even sorority and fraternity groups that called the Center asking for a speaker. As a young child I organized my closer neighborhood friends to put on a talent show (selling tickets to all the kids in the entire neighborhood) every summer to raise money for the Red Cross and other charitable organizations.

I've been a daughter, sister, wife, mother (also single mother), grandmother, friend. I've stood in for rabbis and cantors across all the Jewish movements (outside of Orthodox) (and including Jewish Secular Humanist), leading services and/or speaking in lieu of someone who made a commitment but couldn't keep it so sent me in his/her place. I've led committees and organizations and departments. I've joined others working for committees, organizations and departments.

I think, as I reread what I've written, and am thinking back through my rich / full life, that I'm an all-around human being.

[peachymom1]

I definitely hear you, Louise, about identifying as a person who works out / eats well / takes care of herself, when I'm doing it. It makes me feel good to identify myself this way. And I get annoyed with myself when I fail at those things, because then I'm not being true to that identity. Thinking of those things as part of my identity, though, is also what helps me pull myself back on track. I want to be a person who works out and eats well and takes care of herself. So I keep striving toward that goal, even when I fall down a million times.

I had a teacher in high school who talked a lot about identity, which made me think about not just my own identity, but how it compares to others with the same identity. For example, lots of people are sisters, but I want to be a good sister, someone trustworthy, compassionate, and fun to be with, not just someone related by blood. My sisters and I have come a very long way in understanding each other and drawing closer because we all want those things for/with each other. I also want to be a good wife and mother, and I have put more effort into those roles than any other. As for my identity as a daughter, I could only work with the material I had. No matter how hard I tried, I could never be much more than a disappointment to my father and a mystery to my mother. We just didn't have the same values, and I had to forgive my parents for that and learn to love myself anyway and be my own mom and dad.

I chose to join the tribe because I wanted a family identity I could be proud to be part of, an identity that would teach me ethics, compassion and responsibility, and would help me find my own self within that family identity. I am so very grateful for the Jewish community. For over 40 years, I've been learning that I belong somewhere, that it matters that I exist and show up. What an amazing thing that is!