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Post by peachymom1 on Jan 7, 2024 21:40:06 GMT -5
What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.
Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:
Frieda (hopefully)?
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy
And for those of you that stop by to read this thread without posting — you are welcome to, but you are also welcome to chime in. Don’t be shy!
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Post by peachymom1 on Jan 7, 2024 21:40:34 GMT -5
Good morning! OK, I’m still on the marriage theme, or at least the relationship theme, not necessarily formalized. How do you know when someone is “the one?” This came up recently at the Shabbat table. The son of a good friend of mine has been with his girlfriend for over a year now; they love each other, but while the girlfriend is ready to get engaged, the son isn’t sure she’s “the one.”
I don’t remember feeling any certainty that DH was “the one.” I married him because I loved him and knew he loved me. Everything else was a leap of faith. We learned together. Maybe we got lucky, maybe God matched us up, maybe the universe decided to give us a gift in each other, but I’m sure now that DH really was “the one.” I don’t know that I had the discernment at 22 to know what I was doing when I got married.
What do you think? What made you think someone was the right one for you, whether you actually married them or not? Or what made you go running in the opposite direction? My friend’s son hasn’t asked me for advice about whether he should get engaged, but I won’t be surprised if he does. What would you tell him if you were the one he asked for advice? How have your views on the subject changed over time?
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Post by hollygail on Jan 8, 2024 8:49:15 GMT -5
For me, it was always whether we loved each other. And the legality was usually his preference (other than DH#1 where both of us wanted to marry) and I considered the options and (obviously) was agreeable enough to marry. I remember having a dream when I was pregnant; in it, I said something like, "well, we've been living together five years and now we're having a child, so maybe it's time we made it legal"...
When I met my current DH, neither of us felt marriage was something to jump into. We had both been divorced, our kids were old enough to be out on their own (read: we weren't going to have more), so it wasn't something that hung over us. After we'd been together several years, one day he brought up "the 'L' word" (yes, that's how he phrased it, and we both said "I love you" to each other for the first time. Some years after that, he did the same thing about "the 'M' word" and we discussed marriage and eventually agreed to marry. We moved in together about a year after we met, so we lived together somewhere around five years before we married. I've never had regrets about our living together or marriage choices.
Separately, a few minutes ago I read the rest of yesterday's thread and wrote another comment, if you're interested in looking back to see what I said.
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Post by gazelle18 on Jan 8, 2024 9:48:59 GMT -5
I guess I’m not a big believer in there being “the one” and only person. I think if a young(ish) person wants to have a family, and if they are in a love-filled relationship with someone with whom they’re compatible, they should not overthink it. I often think young people wait so long to find “the one,” that they end up wondering where their 20s and 30s went.
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