Jewish Musings, Monday, March 18, 2024

[peachymom1]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:

Frieda (hopefully)?
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

And for those of you that stop by to read this thread without posting — you are welcome to, but you are also welcome to chime in. Don’t be shy!

[peachymom1]

Good morning! Do you know who Mark Manson is? I’ve read his books; he started as kind of a potty-mouthed pop psychologist. Ordinarily I don’t think I would have picked them up and voluntarily read them, but DD35 had them on her coffee table when we took a road trip to visit her (before the pandemic), so I read them at her suggestion. Besides wanting to understand something my kid thought was valuable, DD35 has a degree in psychology, so that added some interest to the pile.

I already knew most of what Mark Manson was talking about; I’m a generation older than he is, and I’ve been through dysfunction and therapy, blah-blah-blah. But I found his books surprisingly interesting and compelling, and I even signed up for his weekly blog. Every Monday I get an email from him with something to think about and try to apply to daily life. He always encourages us to share his stuff, so here’s what he sent last week, which I thought was particularly relevant:

“There is no amount of money, love, or success that will permanently erase your insecurity or self-doubt—instead, it will just give it bigger stakes.

You don’t remove self-doubt. You learn to act despite it. Do you doubt yourself? Good. There’s only one way to find out if your doubts are true—do it anyway.”

Do you agree with him? I think I do. When I think about times I’ve doubted myself, I’ve either ended up succeeding, or I’ve learned something valuable about myself from either failing or not trying.

I’m also thinking about two young men I know, both of whom have social anxiety and mountains of self-doubt. They’re about the same age (within two years of each other), both college-educated, and they both still live at home with their parents (for financial reasons, not by choice), neither of them likely to get jobs in their academic fields. Young Man A uses his social anxiety as an excuse to avoid things like people, jobs, and sometimes new experiences. As a result, he’s sabotaged a number of jobs, relationships and opportunities, yet complains that he can’t find a job that pays enough to live on his own (he works about ten hours a week at a dead-end job). Young Man B doesn’t deny his anxiety; he sees it as an obstacle to be managed in whatever way will work for the given situation. As a result, he has an entry-level job that he sees as a chance to move up and earn more, and his empathy for people helps him understand that everyone has challenges, and the world doesn’t revolve around him. Young Man A allows his self-doubt to paralyze him; Young Man B uses it to empower and launch himself.

What are your comments about self-doubt? What do you do when you doubt yourself? Do you know anybody like the two young men I described?

[gazelle18]

Wow. I love all of this, and could write a BOOK in response!

My son, as you all have heard ad nauseum, is similar to Young Man B. He has untreated anxiety out the wazoo. He is gifted enough to mask this anxiety with glibness and sarcasm, but it is there. He has tried therapy briefly, but true therapy takes work, and he has not stuck with it. Of course, he is my son and I love him, AND he is the source of much tsuris for me. He is in a particularly tough phase right now; his second wife is expecting a child soon, and he is feeling financial presssure, etc.

Anyway, I think this psychologist (who I had not heard of) is spot on. I’m going to keep this quote.

I recently heard a coach giving a pep talk to her team. They had won some games, and were advancing to a harder bracket. The coach said, “The next phase will not be easy. In fact it will be HARD. We have to learn how to handle HARD.”

Peachy thanks for sharing this. It made my day.

[gazelle18]

In my own life, I have dealt with MUCH self-doubt and anxiety. I have used coping mechanisms (chocolate, e.g.). I found that food was an effective way to enable me to get through a short term bout of anxiety, but of course ultimately food is not a permanent fix.

[lee058]

Good morning everybody. Hope you are all well and SAFE! Please pray for Israel.

Re today's topic: gazelle18, I can totally relate to what you said about coping mechanisms such as food. That's how I got so big. Thanks to the Ozempic and therapy, I am learning healthier ways to deal with self-doubt, anxiety and stress. I still have a long way to go, but have made a lot of progress.

One thing I do when I am tormented by negative thoughts is to firmly tell myself, "It's OVER. I am in a different emotional place now, and can deal with whatever it is. I have made it through worse, and I can deal with this now. I CAN DO IT."

DS is also a big help. He has various emotional problems, but he is constantly telling himself (and me) versions of the above. We both benefit from this.

Have a peaceful day, Lee

[hollygail]

I'm glad to read what all of you have to say about this topic. I really don't have anything to add. I've dealt with people who have had lots of self-doubt. I'll take some of what I've read above to pass along. I'm thinking right this minute about one person (with whom I'm about to have a Zoom session) who (on top of self-doubt) has anxiety and OCD... Sometimes it's extremely difficult for me to remain on an even keel when she's in one of her bad times.