Jewish Musings, Thursday, April 25, 2024 Chol HaMoed Pesach

[peachymom1]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:

Frieda (hopefully)?
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

And for those of you that stop by to read this thread without posting — you are welcome to, but you are also welcome to chime in. Don’t be shy!

[peachymom1]

Good morning and chag sameach! I did go to shul yesterday (Wednesday) for the second day of Passover. There was a bat mitzvah – very unusual – in 42 years of membership at this shul, I’ve never known this to happen. The family had planned to have the bat mitzvah in Israel, but plans had to be changed, so she did it here instead. I was already tired, the parents droned on forever in their speeches, the girl herself wasn’t terribly well prepared, and I just didn’t have to patience to stay for the whole service. So I went home early, had lunch with DH & DS33, then took a long nap in the afternoon.

I understand that parents are proud of their kids and that a bar/bat mitzvah is an extremely important occasion. I had one myself, as did all three of my children, and I am well aware of how much time, effort and preparation goes into it. I try to be forgiving when parents rattle on about how great their kids are, but really, do they have to brag until the end of time? They’re supposed to keep their combined speeches to five minutes, but not many parents adhere to this rule. Sometimes I just want to roll my eyes and say, “Hurry up already – he/she’s awesome, we get it, c’mon now!”

What are your opinions about parents’ speeches to their kids at their bar/bat mitzvahs? Should they be indulged in wanting to kvell, or should they be held to a limited amount of time? Do you tend to be forgiving when parents go on an on? Maybe I’m just getting to be a curmudgeon; I do like to hear something about the kid, but I want to hear about their character, not their soccer prowess or stellar grades.

How about you?

[hollygail]

My rabbi tells parents that it's not a time to tell the child's history. It's time to tell the child (not the guests) how proud you of of him/her and why. It's time to give the child advice (etc.) and so on.

Once, a mom had a 14-page speech and read each and every word to us. I thought it was a terrible thing to do to her son. And on top of everything, she never even ONCE mentioned his older brother's existence (the older brother had had a breakdown and was at the time of his younger brother's bar mitzvah in a facility for full-time care). I stayed away from her for years.

I tried telling the parents of my most recent private student (that is, not from a congregation, so I was teacher / tutor / rabbi / you name it) about the so-called "speech." It turned out I'd been talking to a brick wall. Both of them talked to the guests in the room and went on and on about a few things about their son but spent even more time acknowledging who'd come from how far away and the like. I just stood there quietly. My speech to the boy was ridiculously short; I had (and still have) no idea whether the contrast was noted by any of the guests.

I'm totally in agreement with you, Peachy.

[louise]

I had a wonderful time at the first seder. The host is an excellent cook and made so many delicious things including a brisket with pomegrante and fig sauce. My torte came out very well and was a perfect ending to the meal. I spent many hours in the synagogue (10?) on Tuesday. We ended up with 81 people t the community seder and there had been some major custodial staff changes but somehow it all worked well. The new caterer did well and we had enough wine although just barely squeaked by with the dry red. Made notes for next time. Yesterday morning though I crashed. I got myself to shul but was useless for most of the beginning. I was also having a hard time from the IF e.g. terrible leg cramps through the night which woke me up several times. I was honest with the rabbi - started crying as we spoke - that it was the sustained effort etc and that I did not want to be in the sanctuary. I went downstairs and puttered in the kitchen putting the kiddush together. After awhile I recomposed myself and joined everyone.

I mostly like the speeches from the parents although it does depend on their ability to speak well, how engaging, etc. Sometimes we have a family that is obviously not very familiar with the goings on and clearly just wants to get it done. Sometimes we have an endearing family and kid that we are all qvelling over. I'm usually a little distracted because that is when I have to gather up the kids that will be passing out the candy and giving them instructions.