Jewish Musings, Tuesday, May 28, 2024

[peachymom1]

What’s on your mind — how to make kugel? This week’s Torah reading? Life goals? Prayer? We are all engaged in weight loss/weight maintenance journeys and we are all Jewish or at least interested in Judaism. We like to eat, we like to discuss. It is our goal here to provide each other support on our journeys, to share experiences, to call on our rich cultural heritage and texts, and to help each other grow spiritually.

Some of us take weekly turns starting the thread:

Frieda (hopefully)?
Holly
Lee
Louise
Lynne
Peachy

And for those of you that stop by to read this thread without posting — you are welcome to, but you are also welcome to chime in. Don’t be shy!

[peachymom1]

Good morning! Last week, Lynne brought up the subject of aging. I’d like to go a little further with that.

As you get older, would you ever move in with someone else, or have them move in with you? How do you feel about combining households with someone else, like a friend, child or other relative? Would you do it for convenience, perhaps, or maybe economics or companionship? What benefits and trade-offs do you think would happen for you? What would you need to keep of your own (such as belongings, habits or customs), and what would you be willing to change or give up? Have your friends / kids / other relatives broached this subject with you? Or have you maybe brought it up with them?

Two of DH’s great-aunts (sisters) lived together in their later years, after both were widowed, and it was an optimal arrangement for them. I remember going to their house and doing jigsaw puzzles and playing Scrabble with them. Two of my sisters have talked about living together if the married one were to be widowed, but personally, I don’t think it would be a workable arrangement.
I’m not sure if I could live with any of my sisters or my kids. It’s probably something we should start talking about though.

Do you think about this, or am I the only one?

[gazelle18]

Actually, this subject has come up often in my life. I had two great -aunts who lived together , and it worked very well. But I think it would be very problematic for me. As long as DH is alive, it is highly unlikely we would live with someone else. However, we have gently approached the possibility of moving together into a “senior community” type place if we are no longer to drive or handle daily chores. I would be reluctant to move in (should I become a widow) in with a relative or child; it’s more likely that I’d move into a place with senior services, where I had my own apartment.

For years, I’ve told my friends that my dream senior living concept would be for a bunch of friends to buy an apartment building together. We could take turns hosting dinner and happy hour, and hire one teenager to go grocery shopping for us all. This is of course a fantasy, but I think it would be fun.

[hollygail]

No, Peachy, you're not the only one. DH's health was never optimal and I've often thought about what I'd do when widowed, as if it were an obvious state I'd find myself. At different times, DS and DBIL were healthier or less healthy than the other of them, and I've thought about living with each when the other passed. I imagine in the long run, neither of those solutions would be particularly likely given the age difference between either of them and me. I don't want to move in with my own DS and DDIL either for other reasons, which I won't go into now. DDIL is a caregiver, but she's been doing that job first for her grandmother, then for each of her parents. Her mother is only a little bit older than I am but in so much worse health that I have no doubt I'll outlive both of her parents (her DF, only a few months my junior, is already in a senior health-related residence facility). As for any of my DGC, I've never considered moving in with any of them. And my step-children and their families? Absolutely not.

I do have a friend I've considered moving in with. However, I suspect it's not a great idea (too many small details to go into here).

I can tell you that I had a really terrific model about this situation. My paternal DGM changed the locks on the doors after her youngest daughter married and moved out (my paternal GF was a traveling salesman and one time when he was out of town, she called the locksmith). That was long before I was conscious. She lived with another old woman (and they called each other Mrs. Lastname for all the decades they shared an apartment, and when they moved from the apartment they lived in when I was a child to the one they lived in last, both families helped in the move). That was a remarkable model for me to see. It was entirely "normal" to me probably because it was my own grandmother and Mrs. Snyder. I never even knew Mrs. Snyder's first name. And my DGM fell at age 80 and broke her hip; she lived in a senior care facility until her death at age 102. I never knew what Mrs. Snyder did after DGM fell.

And now you have me thinking about my approaching "old age," Peachy... And some people already think of me as "old." Oy vey.

[lee058]

Good morning everybody. Hope you are all well and SAFE! Please pray for Israel.

Re today's topic: I would like to live somewhere with no stairs, lots of bathrooms, lots of gardens, and friendly people.

I have something on my mind. DH has been trying to reach one of his friends without success for a few days, including going over to where he lives. DH said that if he can't contact him soon, he's going to call the police to do a wellness check. The friend had long Covid, and according to DH, just hasn't been the same since then. I hope he's okay!

Hope everyone has a peaceful day, Lee